In movies, one-night stands come with rules.
Think about No Strings Attached or Friends with Benefits. These were movies I watched way before I was having sex, and I learnt from them that the most important thing when having casual sex is to detach yourself entirely from the other person. You shouldn't have feelings. Maybe you didn’t even kiss. You might not even remember each other’s names.
I took all that sage wisdom on board.
Watch: How to have better sex. Post continues below.
My first few sexual encounters were with people I was dating, and I ended up dating one of those people for years. So by the time I arrived in my early 20s, I had never had casual sex, I’d never had a one-night stand, and I found myself suddenly (and rather unexpectedly) single.
I wanted to experience the casual sex and dating scene that I had observed from the sidelines during my long-term relationship. So three weeks post-breakup, when I was done crying, I went about fulfilling the age-old tradition of getting over someone by getting under someone else. It was the start of a seriously fun year.
I knew that I wanted to meet people, have drinks and go out to dinners (and then back to their houses), but I wanted to remove the expectation of something serious evolving from a few fun evenings. I’d just had a healthy dose of commitment and I was ready to be unattached. So I was.
For the first few encounters, I followed the rules I’d learnt from Hollywood.
No cuddling afterwards; don’t prioritise your own pleasure; receiving foreplay is additional, not essential; and don’t, under any circumstances, text them first tomorrow.
Be the cool girl, the unattached girl... and as a result, the girl who can’t orgasm during casual sex.
See, I don’t know if it’s just me, but in order to climax with a partner, I have to be able to concentrate. That sounds backwards and unsexy, but I mean that I can’t be in my head thinking about what they’re thinking about.