politics

Dear One Nation: Here are 44 things we've done while drunk that don't include trying to overturn gun laws.

On Monday night, Al Jazeera published the findings of a three-year investigation into the National Rifle Association’s manipulative media practices.

As part of the investigation, One Nation’s Queensland party leader Steve Dickson and Senator Pauline Hanson’s chief of staff James Ashby were filmed discussing weakening Australia’s gun laws during a trip to the US last year.

In the footage, Ashby can be heard saying that $US20 million in donations from the NRA to One Nation would give the party parliamentary influence in Australia.

On a separate occasion, Dickson tells NRA officials that for the world to look to Australia as a model for gun control would be “poison”.

“If we don’t change things, people are going to be looking at Australia and go ‘well, it’s OK for them to go down the path of not having guns, it’s OK for them to go down that politically-correct path’,” he says.

On Tuesday, however, they both provided a perfectly reasonable explanation for their behaviour.

Guys.

They were drunk.

Get over it.

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"The conversations that have been recorded... I’ll be the first to admit, we’d arrived in America, we got on the sauce, we’d had a few drinks and that’s where those discussions took place," Ashby told media in Brisbane.

We feel so... silly.

Look.

We've all done things we regret while drinking. We get it. 

We spoke to Australian women about the silly things they've done while drunk. Here are 44 of them - none of which, surprisingly, involve conspiring to soften Australian gun laws:

  1. Eaten an entire BBQ chicken
  2. Thrown up in a bush while blaming it on food poisoning
  3. Peed in a bush
  4. Left a tampon in longer than I should have
  5. Woke my dog up for a chat
  6. Bought 11 McDonald's breakfast wraps at the drive-through, proceeded to eat none of them
  7. Gone online to secretly buy the same top my friend was wearing when she went to the bathroom
  8. Texted my high school boyfriend to see if he wanted to have sex
  9. Thrown up in a taxi
  10. Thrown up on my partner during sex
  11. Cried for no reason
  12. Fallen asleep with a takeaway burger up my sleeve
  13. Left a party to get McDonald's drive through in an Uber and returned to the party
  14. Stalked my ex-best friends online and cried about the fact they weren’t my best friends anymore even if one of them bought a kitten that I was allergic to and that’s what turned them all against me. I hated the kitten.
  15. Thrown up spaghetti bolognese whole in a club
  16. Stole a coat from Opera Australia (sorry)
  17. Taunted vegans who told me they don’t eat honey
  18. Stacked it down a flight of stairs and smashed my face open
  19. Woken up my toddler for a chat
  20. Tweeted
  21. Tried for an hour to take a contact lens out when it wasn’t in my eye to begin with
  22. Pretended I was an under 18 tennis champion to pick up a guy
  23. Cried and said my dog couldn’t ever look at me as her mum again because my drunkenness was embarrassing
  24. Thrown up a tequila shot in my mouth and swallowed it again
  25. Stole a cat (for like half an hour)
  26. Sent thirsty tweets to Ludacris
  27. Ate leftover pork roast in bed after a night out, and woke up in the morning confused that my doona smelt like meat.
  28. Gone for a jog
  29. Had unprotected sex
  30. Licked cocaine off a toilet seat
  31. Crashed a house party thrown by university students and danced in their lounge room (in my thirties)
  32. Gave myself a black eye after slipping on the bathroom mat and hitting the sink in the dark
  33. Booked a last minute holiday online TO ANOTHER COUNTRY then sobered up while on the flight
  34. Missed an 8am flight to Portugal and then projectile vomited at the airport
  35. Opened my mate’s back pocket and vomited in it 
  36. Consumed beer from smelly shoes
  37. Got up to sing Karaoke then half way through the song forgetting why I was on the stage and leaving
  38. Ran around London naked
  39. Got angry at a guy I was kissing for not remembering my name when I never told him and also never knew his name
  40. Took a stray dog home and made it sleep in my bed
  41. Sang enthusiastically, but poorly, at the company Christmas party, which was then played the following day on the big screen to everyone while I rocked up late looking for a Berocca confused why everyone was cheering
  42. Went to a bar with my current boyfriend but accidentally then went home with my ex boyfriend
  43. Lost my house key on Christmas Eve and couldn’t get into my flat, went back to the pub to find it and the bouncer wouldn’t let me in so I TRIED TO FIGHT HIM
  44. Got kicked out of the Logies after party

Ladies, pls.

But at least none of them involve gun laws, or chatting with the NRA.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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