The make-or-break moment of Offspring's emotional season finale.

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Missed out? Here’s what happened last week.

The final Offspring episode is a pressure cooker of emotion. Emphasis on pressure.

You see, this might very well be THE LAST TIME we see the Proudman family together on screen.

It’s their chance to end their story, to get every character to where they need to be in order for all the loose ends to be tied up. The only thing is, everyone seems to be in such a bad place, can they possibly all get back to where they need to be?

We’re about to find out.

Clegg and Cherie are back from their honeymoon, just in time to announce they are leaving the hospital. And therefore probably the show. They are off to the “outback” to deliver babies and be in love.

Well, if you needed any more proof the show is not coming back, there it is. How can Offspring continue without the couple who the world (or at least, I) has dubbed the new “power couple?”

It cannot, I say.

Geraldine has called the entire family together for an “adults only night”, which at first sounds like it’s going to be all kinds of kinky fun, yet really just ends up being about Geraldine’s funeral arrangements.

The Harry and Nina relationship is in all sorts of danger this week, dealing with the sperm of dead boyfriends past and all that. The angst is almost a little too much to bear, but since the child-making juice of the dead is involved I’m going to cut them both a little slack.

They meet up at a bar and decide to hash out the relationship details over a few drinks. They start to fall back into their old patterns pretty fast. However, Nina quickly places an embargo on “sperm and fertility talk” which leaves these two with…. not much to talk about at all.

They finally manage to dredge up the fact they are both middle children (guys, SAME, let’s all hang out and talk about how we are unloved, yeah?) and then fall into bed for long-awaited sexy times.

Nina returns home in a cloud of euphoria the next morning only to discover what has become of all her precious family photos — the photos of Patrick that she shows to Zoe every night. They have been destroyed in a well-meaning art project and Nina is completely devastated.

Now, Nina is forced to make a decision.


She can stay in the past with Ghost-Patrick, or move forward with Human Harry.

She chooses Harry and, I must say, it’s a relief to know that old Patrick has finally gone into the light and will stop haunting the streets of Melbourne.

Brody has somehow made it back to the Proudman house and that girl is in labour.

What unfolds next is probably the most disturbing birthing scene ever to be shown on Offspring.

Brody is down on the floor on all fours as Nina realises the baby is in distress and cannot breathe. She attempts to turn the baby and Brody’s screams of pain are so real they send a chill down my spine and I nearly mute the TV.

Nina pulls off a miracle and safely delivers the baby. She is a powerful, mighty, baby-delivering badass and I have never been more impressed with Nina Proudman.

Brody and her little baby boy are safe, and being watched over by the glorious Billie Proudman.

Those sisters, what a double act.

The family gathers together in the city’s public gardens to sneakily set up a bench and tree in memory of Darcy Proudman.

I check the time and realise, oh God, this is it. These may very well be the final moments of Offspring.

This is make-or-break for the characters we have grown to love.

They stand in a circle around the bench and Geraldine belts out Wild Thing, as per a pact she made with Darcy. One by one the others join in until the whole cast, old and new, are singing and swaying in a circle together.

It’s funny, and sad, and moving, and just a little bit too much. Just like the Proudmans.

Look, not every storyline was tied up the way it should have been. Not every character found their way.

But I have to say, Offspring still made it. Made us laugh, made us cry, and made the most of every magic moment.

Goodbye Offspring. I hope we see you again.