After being pregnant and caring for babies for 5 years, how do you just not do it anymore?
I am the mother of three beautiful children: Charlotte (5 ½) Max (2 ½) and Stella who just turned 1.
I loved every minute of being pregnant. Sure, I dealt with the occasional nausea, stretch marks, tiredness and heartburn. But that’s it. No other complications.
I still marvel at how amazing pregnancy is, and I would do it all over again if I could. But I can’t.
While I was pregnant with my third Stella, my partner and I decided “no more”.
I think Dads come to terms with “no more” easier than mums. My partner certainly did. But I found it really depressing and hard to deal with. Even though I completely agreed with “no more”, the realisation that my third would be my last pregnancy was just devastating.
“No more” being able to look in the mirror at my ever-growing and stretching belly. “No more” feeling those kicks and jabs from tiny hands and feet. “No more” seeing the thrilling ultrasounds or hearing that tiny heart beating like a galloping horse.
I started to think about all the things that I hadn’t done while being pregnant. Like sexy pregnancy photos and doing a belly cast. Or beautiful professional newborn photos. Or those framed newborn hand and foot casts in silver. And don’t get me started on all the moments I have forgotten to record in pregnancy and baby milestone books.
I will never again have a newborn baby sleeping peacefully in a cradle beside my bed. I will never be able to have those beautiful cuddles with my baby in the middle of the night after a feed. I will never be able to share the special times breastfeeding. I will never smell that newborn smell.