OPINION: There’s a list of "normal" sex fantasies. Is yours on it?


We’re wondering what your sexual fantasies are. Why? So we can decide whether to cross the street when we see you coming, hide our silk scarves in case you try to tie us up, and think twice about following you on Instagram. What if your account is full of weird sex stuff instead of sunsets?

Because society “knows” that sexual fantasies are weird and unusual and abnormal. It would be better for all of us if we could eradicate dirty thoughts altogether. But we can’t — because all the scientists are busy building drones — so the only sensible thing is to victimise and shame people for having them.

And the weirder the sexual thought, the weirder the person. You weird sex weirdo, you.

No. Judgement. 

But – three cheers for research – a new study sticks two fingers (and a dildo) up at this one-dimensional COMPLETELY WRONG view.

A Canadian study asked 1516 people (799 men, 717 women) if they’d ever fantasised about 55 different sexual scenarios. The verdict? Sexual fantasies were so common and varied, that – to quote the study paper’s conclusion – ‘care should be taken before labeling an SF [sexual fantasy] as unusual, let alone deviant.’

Which means that we’re all normal and we’re all great at mind-sex.

Submission and domination were among women’s most frequent fantasies – 64.6% had imagined being dominated, 52.1% tied up – which, study aside, could have been proven by that well-fingered (ahem) copy of ‘50 Shades’ in so many top drawers.

Fifty Shades, oh my. 

Other popular female fantasies included: sex in public, giving and receiving oral, watching two women, threesomes, foursomes, and, well, pretty much every other form of sexual activity that your mind can imagine. (Hey, let it run wild).

Never feel brain-shamed for what’s going on up there. Let’s face it: our minds go some pretty surprising directions when it comes to sex. Who hasn’t been mid-moment and suddenly thought of their inbox, their ex, or – worse – their bloody mother makes a cameo. An ex-colleague of mine still refuses to go to the local café because of a particularly graphic sex dream involving the middle-aged owner.

Interestingly, the main difference between men’s and women’s fantasies wasn’t so much the content, but the fact that most women didn’t want their fantasies to come true – whereas men did.

And if you’re curious what men are thinking, here’s their most common five:

1. Oral sex
2. Sex with two women
3. Sex with someone they know who isn’t their partner
4. Sex in an unusual place
5. Watching two women make love

Nothing to judge here, either. We’ve all thought worse.

So. Sexual fantasies. Anyone brave enough to share one?