I don’t believe a wedding is about two families coming together, so why should my fiance’s son be there?
All my married friends were right. Wedding planning is painful.
And it just got even more complicated. You see, while this is my first marriage, this is the second time for my soon-to-be husband. He married his high school sweetheart and things just didn’t work out. And during their short marriage they had a little boy.
I now feel there is a huge expectation for that little boy to be part of our wedding. But I really don’t want him there.
It isn’t because I don’t love him. I absolutely adore him.
When I met him, he pulled me aside and, in as much of a grown up voice as he could muster for a 5-year-old, he asked if it was okay to not call me mum. He found the two mums thing too confusing. So we agreed that he would just call me by my first name. He still sometime calls me mum by accident – pretty normal for a 7-year-old travelling between homes every week.
But now people keep asking me what his role is in our wedding. And I just want to say he has none.
I know everyone thinks the wedding is about two families coming together (and it is a firm belief in those family members who feel they get to play wedding-planner helper). But I don’t agree. I think a wedding is about the two people up the front making the vows. It is about them announcing their love. The two families coming together happens before the “I dos” and after the “I dos”. Not during.And I know my future stepson will hate coming to the wedding. He is 7-years-old. And saying he is slightly hyperactive would be a serious understatement. There is no way that he would be able to stand still during the 20-minute ceremony. Or sit still. And he would hate wearing anything remotely formal.