In news that was as legit as the Tromp family’s vacay, over the weekend it was reported NASA had sneakily updated our astrological signs for the first time in 2000 years. But that wasn’t the case.
According to numerous media outlets, The National Aeronautics and Space Administration had a few spare minutes to dabble in some fake science (*cough* “Astrology” *cough*) and declare 80 percent of people have been LIVING A LIE.
Because who needs to conduct groundbreaking intergalactic research when there are horoscopes to write?
Yes, we were horrified to read that 80 per cent of the population had been living under a bogus star sign — and that to fill this void, a shiny new star sign with an equally wankerish name sounding oddly like a Pokemon character was coined: Ophiuchus.
Horoscopes might be hog-wash, but what’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told (post continues after video)….
The addition of one extra star sign apparently corrected an error that meant all our star signs were a full month out of whack.
While the news went wild across the interwebs, it was… not exactly true. And oddly, sourced from a misinterpreted children’s guide explaining the difference between astrology and astronomy.
“NASA studies astronomy not astrology,” NASA spokesperson Dwayne Brown presumably explained through gritted teeth while banging his head against his desk to Gizmodo.
This was the “revised” list of star signs.
Capricorn: Jan 20 – Feb 16
Aquarius: Feb 16 – March 11
Pisces: March 11 – April 18
Aries: April 18 – May 13
Taurus: May 13 – June 21
Gemini: June 21 – July 20
Cancer: July 20 – Aug 10
Leo: Aug 10 – Sept 16
Virgo: Sept 16 – Oct 30
Libra: Oct 30 – Nov 23
Scorpio: Nov 23 – Nov 29
Ophiuchus: Nov 29 – Dec 17
Sagittarius: Dec 17 – Jan 20
If this were true, it would’ve been grim news for anyone who’s wrapped their identity in the positioning of celestial matter. But it’s not. Phew.