Married At First Sight has made us feel a lot of things this season, but nothing has made us go, “Um, what?!” quite like Tuesday night’s episode.
In a shock twist, Tracey, 34, has found love with Sean, 34, and Troy, 34, is off sucking face with Carly, 32. But are they? Are they really?
Aside from turning the usual Married At First Sight cringe factor up by about 100 points, something about seeing these two ‘couples’ together made us question everything we believe to be real in this world. We don’t want to say they’re faking it to extend their 15 minutes, but… it sure seems like it.
Let’s start with Troy and Carly, who demonstrated how much they love each other through a particularly moving video montage of the two of them kissing all over Melbourne. We. Get. It. You’re in love and stuff.
Also, why does Troy feel like he has to whimper every time he kisses a girl? If we never hear that sound ever again, it will be too soon.
Troy banged on and on about their "strong" and "genuine connection"... Even though they've only been dating for two weeks. It's true love, y'all. Don't fight him.
"You're like a little fuzzy bunny," said Carly, as she tickled Troy's chest hair while lying in bed with him, and vomit.
The pair apparently hooked up when Troy found himself in Melbourne for work one week. Hmm.
"I reached out to Carly and we went on just a casual date," Troy recounted, casually of course.
Oh, and just in case all of the constant kissing didn't clue you in, Carly would like you to know, "There has been no intimacy issues with Troy at all."
We then had to endure Troy attacking, we mean, tickling Carly in a park, while squealing, "Naughty! Naughty! Naughty" in a baby voice. There is something very wrong with this guy.
If that didn't activate your gag reflex, Troy then spoke about Carly being "gifted with a very talented tongue". Why are we still watching at this point? LOOK AWAY.
Here's the thing though, even though Troy and Carly kept going on and on and on about how much they're into each other (by this stage, we'd heard the word "connection" at least 20 times), it all felt a bit forced.
Like when Troy asked Carly if they'd be "the cutest couple at the dinner party", and then both let out the fakest laughs we have ever heard. Stop it. You're trying too hard.
Then there's Sean and Tracey, who decided to wait until the dinner party to announce they are a couple. Subtle, guys.
After arriving separately, Sean - who was dressed like he was filling in for the lead singer of a wedding band - then strutted over to Tracey, where he proceeded to make out with her in front of everybody (including his former partner, Blair, 31). Because that's not awkward at all.
Once everyone got over the shock of seeing them together, Sean and Tracey - who were both clearly basking in the glow of all of the attention suddenly thrust upon them - gave an impromptu speech about how they've "got so much in common". Amazing, right?
"We all went on [the show] to find love, and I'm happy to say I found love," said Sean.
We almost believed it too, but then Dean, 39, showed up, and it felt like Tracey would drop Sean in a second for Dean.
She shamelessly flirted with him during their conversation at the dinner party, and even called him "babe". And though Sean was standing right beside her, Tracey's heart eyes were aimed directly at Dean.
Our theory is that Tracey is still into Dean and is only dating Sean to try and make him jealous. RIGHT?
It wouldn't be surprising, given that she admitted to only staying with Dean to "spite" him and to give him a taste of his own medicine.
"We've been inseparable," Tracey said about her relationship with Sean. Sure you have.
Is Married At First Sight problematic? Post continues below.
Even Sean could sense there was still some unfinished business between Dean and Tracey. This prompted Tracey to go and awkwardly sit on Sean's lap, and if you can imagine trying to smoosh two ice cubes together, that's kind of what it looked like. Clearly their chemistry is off the charts.
Sorry, guys, but we're not convinced.