sex

'I wouldn't be bothered if I never had sex again.'

It’s a common complaint among parents that sex sessions become few and far between after the addition of children to their lives. But what if you never wanted to have sex again?

That’s an issue facing more than one user of parenting forum Mumsnet.

When one mum opened up about her lack of sex life to see if it was “not normal” and ask others “what is wrong with me?” she was no doubt comforted to learn she and her waning sex drive were not alone.

In fact, most of the more than 200 users who responded were in agreement or at least sympathy, having experienced a similar feeling at one point in their lives.

Listen: Love gurus Osher Günsburg and Leanne Hall share their sex life advice.

The mum-of-three, who posted under username DcQuinn, said she had started to feel she might have a problem after reading about women who didn’t think having sex once a week was enough for their husbands.

“I could go months without it. It doesn’t bother me anymore.”

The woman says her husband is patient, but that she feels “so bad for him”.

“I just wonder what the hell is wrong with me? We have been together for 14 years and I still fancy him loads.”

The mum, who has children aged 15 years, three years and 16 weeks, said she felt a similar level of disinterest in sex before her younger two children arrived.

The post struck a chord with users, including one user who confessed she had “no libido at all”.

“It disappeared when my son was born nearly 3 years ago. Wouldn’t be bothered if I never had sex again. I prefer sleep.”

Another with pre-teen aged children agreed that she “wouldn’t care if we never had sex again”, informing fellow commenters it’s not an issue isolated to parents of young children.

“We do have sex, around twice a month, but it’s something I have to gear myself up for and put some effort and thought into – I just can’t be bothered generally.”

inside a sexless marriage
Some people would be happy never having sex again. (Image via iStock.)
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Meanwhile, others encouraged the woman to give sex a go, by sharing their own stories of enjoying sex once they "made the effort".

"I make the effort, and actually, I enjoy it when we do it, it's just the before, getting in the mood, building myself up to it," wrote one user.

"I can be like [that] lately too... I did find though that if I make the effort I still love it."

A possible solution?

During an episode of Mamamia's relationship advice podcast, Love Life, psychologist Leanne Hall endorsed the 'why not?' rule some couples have.

According to the concept, if one partner initiates sex, the other - rather than saying no because they are not in the mood - says yes if there's no reason to decline.

It's not about being forced into unwanted sex, it's about going with the flow and not being held back by a low libido.

Do you find yourself not wanting to have sex with your partner?

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