Neighbours is older than Rosie Waterland. And to celebrate the fact, last night she sat down and watched her first episode in a very, very long time.
I haven’t watched Neighbours since Billy was dating Anne, but since this week marks the show’s 30th anniversary, I thought I’d check in with Ramsay Street and see how the old gang are doing. I recapped last night’s episode, and… Wow. Let’s just say things have really changed. I needed a drink afterwards.
Here’s how it went down:
Okay. Here we go.
It’s the opening credits and already I recognise no one. Who are all these people? And why does everyone look like a Cotton On model? Where’s Harold and Madge? Oh wait – there’s that Toadfish Man! And Dr. Karl and Susan! Okay I feel a little safer now. The Toadfish Man shall get me through this strange new universe.
First scene! Oh my – there’s a very trendy electric guitar soundtrack. A lady looks very mad and she’s talking to another lady. I know neither of them. Don’t know what they’re talking about. Something about wedding food. A wedding! Are Billy and Anne getting hitched?
And we’ve already moved on. Cut to a hotel room, and a man is walking around with his SHIRT UNBUTTONED. I think this is Neighbours’ way of indicating he just had sexy-times. Wow, Neighbours is so risqué these days. Again, I don’t know who he is, but he looks nervous. He’s doing lots of pacing around the room, which in soap opera land equals being nervous. Pacing = NERVOUS ACTING.
Gasp! The angry lady from before bangs on the hotel room door and tells the man to come with her right away. I have no clue what the hell is happening but it sure as hell feels like there’s a lot of intrigue.
Do you remember that these people were on Neighbours? No, neither did we (Post continues after gallery):
Okay, now we’re with some girl who is a bridesmaid at the wedding that is apparently tomorrow.
Looks like everyone on Neighbours is involved in the wedding. This girl is a sad bridesmaid because she’s in love with the groom and the bride is her best friend. What a pickle she’s in.We know she’s sad because she’s doing lots of sad acting, including sighing and looking down at the ground. Some man called Paul who seems to live and work exclusively in a high-rise apartment wants to stop the wedding. Not clear why.
And how come I’ve only seen a hotel room and a high-rise apartment? Why is everything so fancy now? Where the hell is Ramsay St? WHAT’S GOING ON ERINSBOROUGH? Help me, Toadfish man! I’m frightened!
Cut to a restaurant. The angry lady who pulled Unbuttoned Shirt Guy out of the hotel room after he’d clearly just had sexy-times is talking to Unbuttoned Shirt Guy. Angry Lady is still angry. She’s friends with his wife, and she saw him going into the hotel room for unbuttoned shirt sexy-times.