Inner city living can be noisy and annoying. Everyone is living in very close proximity and you can hear literally everything. One of my neighbours had a nasty sounding chest infection at some point last year and I was tempted to text in the middle of the night and suggest he see a doctor.
I accept the noise as one of the sacrifices we make to live in the city. But many… do not. Last night, we came home after going out to dinner to celebrate my husband’s birthday to find a hastily handwritten note in our mailbox.
“When you go out your dog barks continuously – it is extremely frustrating and annoying.”
I can see how that would be very frustrating and annoying and I’m glad they told us so we can work to rectify the situation (to clarify, the dog is locked inside, not outside). But what I find really frustrating and annoying is that the note was simply signed “neighbour”.
Which one? We have generally great relationships with most of our neighbours, always say “hi” and we’re friendly, if a bit noisy. Some of them we’re great friends with. Now, I feel awkward and suspicious of them all, not knowing which one felt that they couldn’t talk to us or identify themselves so we could chat to them about it.
Side note – the most popular dog names of 2018 are here. Post continues below…
If I knew who they were, firstly I’d be able to go and apologise to them for the nuisance. There are other barking dogs in the neighbourhood, and I know how irritating it is when you have no control of the situation.
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So ... here's the thing.
I don't bother asking my neighbours to stop their dog barking, stop their kid screaming for hours, stop revving the motors of jalopies they are pimping up outside my living room window ... because if they were decent human beings, They Would Not Be Doing Any Of Those Things. So the only thing I would accomplish by asking them nicely to stop doing them is make myself a target of a complete scumbag who believes they are the centre of the universe and I am not the boss of them and I don't own the street, and almost 100% for sure guarantee that whatever disruption they were causing would be intentionally intensified.
There is absolutely no way to get around this. Even if you are a skilled negotiator and leave the scumbag five different escape hatches so they can mend their ways and still save face. (Like the "I am sure you didn't know that your dog ...") It's not like I haven't tried this in my many years. These people are, in the main, too stupid to see what they're being offered, and all of them are just too entitled and self-absorbed to do it anyway.
I do like the idea that someone as oh so lovely as this writer might be the offender, though. She could tell me all the reasons why she can't stop ruining my life, and then I could tell her all the reasons I need her to.
I'm self-employed and work at home in a house I bought expressly because it has a quiet room for that purpose. I have to work. And I need utter concentration. I also need to be within earshot and a quick hop from my partner, because he has diabetes and has had strokes and is quite disabled, and another crisis could occur anytime. We both tend to keep slightly "odd" hours -- he needs a lot of naps, and I often work late into the night and like to be able to wake up when I'm ready. Especially on weekends, although I usually do some work on weekends too. I didn't need to be awake this past Saturday at precisely 8AM when the cretin across the street decided to snowblow his driveway.
Myself, I suffer from PTSD, from a series of events over my life, the most serious being when I was abducted, raped, and came thisclose to being not here. I am hypervigilant: it doesn't take much to make my heart pound and my blood pressure shoot up. Honking car horns and barking dogs will do it every time. And I don't do well when I feel trapped. The screaming of spoiled 5-yr-old girls piercing my doors and windows and leaving me no escape will do that.
What? I'm your neighbour, and you didn't know all that? Fine, I'm not Your neighbour, but I'm the neighbour of people who do everything I've mentioned, and more, and they don't know. And it is pointless to tell them, because They Do Not Care.
But I'm sure, dear lady, that your dog's woes are worse than mine, and if you could only talk to me, you could make me understand that your life is more important than mine.
Well, I'd suggest that you go jump in a lake.
And do not even think about getting another dog.
Me leaving you an anonymous note rather than knocking on your door would probably be the best present I could give you.
Why should the neighbor tell you who they are? You know the dog barks, do something about it. Put a bark collar on. Seriously people like you think everyone is ok with your barking dog. You know about it, do not wait for someone to complain. They have every right not to tell you
You're assuming the neighbor even has the right dog. The LW points out that other dogs bark in the neighborhood. Poison pen neighbors are not noted for their clear-headed perspective.
The problem with writing an anonymous note is that it prevents any kind of dialogue or mutual solution. The neighbor makes negative assumptions, writes a nasty note basically to vent, and tries to put all of the blame for their misery onto someone else. That does not solve the problem. It only escalates hostilities.
If your neighbor is a nice person, you go to them and you talk to them and you work it out. Why poison a good relationship with anonymous accusations? Just take it up with them.
If you are afraid to talk to your neighbor, then it's a *terrible* idea to write an anonymous note. That's poking the bear and will make things much worse. In such a case, you don't go anonymous; you go through a third party as a mediator.
As it is, the LW can easily pretend they never got the note and ignore it completely.