When I was 16, my ex-boyfriend assaulted me and left me for dead.

I ended up on life support. I spent eight weeks in hospital, four months in rehab and another two years in a nursing home. It took me five years to learn to talk again. I cannot walk now. I now live with an acquired brain injury.

This is my story. And I have seen my story, and others like it, reflected in the media.

But we cannot forget these ‘stories’ are about real women’s lives. Our experiences are deeply personal, and sadly all too common.

The media is powerful. How the media portrays sensitive issues, like domestic violence or disability, has a direct impact on the general public’s view, as well as my own.

Anj Barker before the attack.

Even before I was attacked I had a warped idea of what it meant to be a woman. I constantly felt I wasn’t good enough. That I was fat and ugly. The only women I ever saw being celebrated were those with a pretty face and a slim figure.

But the thing is, I actually was all the things a stereotypical teenage girl ‘should’ be. I was: Bubbly. Popular. Slim. Sporty, even. I could walk. I was talkative.

But, like many young girls, I still didn’t think I was good enough.

Then (another stereotype straight out of a teen movie) I fell in love with the older, ‘bad’ boy. At the time it seemed exciting and romantic, until it turned truly dangerous.

He was controlling. He was verbally abusive. He was violent.

Rosie Batty spoke to Mia Freedman after losing her son Luke at the hands of her former partner.

I know people still struggle to understand why I continued to see him. But when your self-esteem has been so eroded by an abusive relationship, and you have no sense of self-worth left, it becomes very easy to believe that you don’t deserve any better. My partner manipulated me into believing I was ‘lucky’ to have his ‘love’.

Although it isn’t intentional, some media reporting can betray the victim and undermine their experience. Maybe it’s using words like “lovers’ tiff” or “spat” to describe an assault.

Or perhaps it could be mentioning what she did to “make” him do it, as if she somehow provoked the attack.

I know people have had many misconceptions about my own experience of domestic violence. That I may have caused it in some way by upsetting him or by pushing his buttons.

Actually, to my ex-boyfriend, there was something I did that was so unforgivable, so horrendous, that he decided I deserved to be robbed of my life as I knew it.

I told him I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with him.

Because of this, he nearly killed me.

Like many other women, the most extreme violence took place when I tried to leave the relationship. I lived, but many women do not. This is why many women in an abusive relationship stay: they are completely aware that leaving is actually the most dangerous thing they can do.

To imply that a victim is somehow at fault reflects a toxic culture, and reaffirms the gender inequality and sexism that fuels domestic violence. The media plays a huge role in shifting people’s attitudes and busting victim-blaming myths.

Fortunately many in the media industry are leading the way, contributing to a new era in the reporting of this issue.

The Our Watch Awards shows how far we have come, with hundreds of journalists nominated for their exemplary reporting to end violence against women.

The Our Watch Awards, administered through the Walkley Foundation, celebrate the important role media play in this issue. In fact, my own story, through a feature penned by Ginger Gorman, has been nominated for an award. It’s promising these cases are now being seen as real crimes, rather than mere private matters between husbands and wives, girlfriends and boyfriends, parents and children.

Violence against women is a result of gender inequality, sexism and disrespect. All this is all amplified for a woman living with a disability.

Not only are we disadvantaged by gender inequality, we also receive ‘human’ inequality, where we are assumed to be incapable by general society. This only compounds the feeling of not being good enough, because I can’t do the things ‘normal’ people can.

Media and popular culture are constantly sending messages about how a relationship should look. How WE should look.

For me, having very little exposure to women of different sizes, colours and abilities has made adjusting to this new life (which I should not have had to do in the first place) even more difficult than it needs to be.

Perhaps if I’d have seen more badass women like Stella Young, Nas Campanella, and Sue Salthouse in the media, I would have realised that people aren’t defined by a disability.

The late, great, 'badass' Stella Young.

The media reflects society, and reinforces the messages we hear in our day-to-day lives. Rightly or wrongly, the media tells people what ‘normal’ should be.

I have had the opportunity to share my story of living with an abusive relationship, and now, of living with a disability. To have truly equal representation, woman from all different backgrounds need to be involved in this conversation and have the same opportunity.

It’s encouraging to see the level of diversity reflected in this year’s Our Watch Award nominations. By including diverse voices, and allowing them to speak for themselves, the media has the opportunity to continue to show that ‘normal’ comes in all shapes, sizes and abilities.

The only things that should never, ever be seen as normal are sexism, disrespect and violence against women.

National domestic violence helpline: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)