Would you like to know the best way to make someone feel invisible and worthless and erase them of their sense of self-worth?
Invalidate their emotions and feelings.
If you don’t believe me then you have never been in a relationship with a narcissist or someone that was emotionally abusive.
Watch: Mamamia Confessions: Relationship deal-breakers.
In a healthy relationship, your partner will validate (aka acknowledge) your experiences, thoughts, and feelings.
What does it mean when someone is invalidating you?
It is the act of purposefully denying, rejecting, minimising, negatively judging, and/or ignoring your expressed experience, thoughts, actions, or emotions. - Narcwise
Someone who wants to devalue their victim will use invalidation as it is one of the most powerful forms of manipulation and provides the abuser with full emotional control.
Based on my personal experience, here are four things that a narcissist may say to you in order to invalidate your feelings, thoughts, and experiences.
1. “I don’t remember anything from last night.”
A few years ago I was in a relationship with a narcissist. Everything was great for the first couple of months when he was kind, affectionate, and charming. I didn’t realise that I was being love-bombed.
One night we went to hang out his friend’s house and the evening ended with him being aggressive towards me as well as cursing at me and saying things that were absolutely obscene.
The next morning he woke up and acted as nothing had happened. When I told him a look of shock came over his face and he claimed that he didn’t remember doing or saying any of those things to me.
By claiming ignorance he was able to keep from taking any responsibility for his harmful words and actions.
Oh, and by the way, he had only one beer. He claimed to have been drunk but I saw how much he drank and I know that he remembered it all.
2. “Don’t be so lame, you’ll be fine.”
I had been training for my second Spartan race for months and it was the night before the race.
The Narcissist wanted to party, and I was on a completely different page because my race was the next morning.
My boyfriend grew more and more aggravated as everyone else at the party let loose.
“What is wrong with you?”
“I have my race tomorrow.” I kept answering him.
He told me not to be so lame and that I could have a few drinks. I ended up having a few drinks.
I completed the race the next morning but knew I could have done so much better.
I was so frustrated that my boyfriend who didn’t even come and obviously cared so little about something I was trying to achieve.