Look, your first time at an orgy is always going to be memorable.
I am making idle chit chat with the taxi driver while my heart beats loudly inside my chest. It is close to 10pm and I am on route to an exclusive Killing Kittens party for Sydney’s ‘sexual elite’. About this time on your average Saturday night, I am in my pjs watching Netflix with my husband of 12 years, whilst having a cup of tea, child in bed.
The taxi drops me at the chic apartment block in the city and the porter lets me into the lift. I take a long hard look in the mirror at my tight skirt, fishnets and red lippy and wonder if I will fit in. Will I be attractive enough, too old, too young or too obviously nervous? As the doors open, I make as confident a sashay as I can muster to the champagne table, and go in search of my contact, chief Kitten Natalie.
Earlier that same day, I met with Natalie who has been helping Managing Director and Founder, Emma Sayle, organise Killing Kittens parties for many years. The business has since gone global and Emma is now a well-known ‘sex-preneur’ and best selling author.
Natalie is a vivacious and curvy mum of three girls and I like her immediately. She calls me darling and pours me a drink, showing me around the luxury penthouse and soon-to-be house of debauchery. The bowls of condoms are the only clue to what will happen here later tonight.
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In all of her years working in this scene, nothing shocks her. There are the stories of writhing bodies, the man with the enormous penis, the confident woman who gets naked on arrival; she has literally seen it all before. There are other funny little details too like how they have to use fake candles, as the wax become a cleaning issue thanks to the frenzied sexual activity. She also tells me how at the end of a night she collects multiple pairs of panties, as so many women wear little black g-strings they cannot possibly be sure which one is theirs.
Natalie says the most demanding but little known part of her job is talking to and coaching many of the female guests prior to an event.
“Some women are nervous and I become their sexual counsellor in the lead up. It is my job to listen, reassure and ensure they feel comfortable. Killing Kittens is all about female pleasure, we don’t allow single males to attend, just couples and single women, and women must make the first move. I want our guests to feel relaxed and have a great night.”
About halfway through our chat, Natalie realises she has forgotten to order lubricant and gets on the phone to her lube and condom contact. I decide that perhaps this is my cue to leave and I let her finish the preparations.
Back at the party, I drink two glasses of champagne in quick succession to help me calm my nerves and start the mingling. There are only a few couples assembled at this stage and I am aware that everyone is discreetly checking each other out.
While there are some stunningly attractive model-esque women and men, there are also some very normal looking guests of different shapes, sizes and ages. Men are sharply dressed in tuxedos and suits and the women are glamorous in sexy outfits ranging from little black dresses to ball gowns. Most guests wear masquerade style masks to add to the atmosphere of seduction and secrecy.
As the night progresses people begin exploring the different bedrooms or ‘playrooms’ with their fur throws and silky black sheets. Giggles erupt at regular intervals as tensions run high and the champagne flows.
The youngest guests cling together in a flirty clique. The women suck seductively on lollipops as one man from this group puts the bar staff offside with his brash demands. He is cocky and loud and wants to play a game of suck and blow to get things going. Unsurprisingly he is the first one to get the real party started later that night.
I meet Gisele, French expat who is one of only a handful of single women at the party. The single women are apparently hot property, as many couples just want to ‘play’ with another woman. Lucky for tonight’s female seeking couples, Gisele is gorgeous, flirtatious and although it is her first party, she takes to it like a duck to water.
I talk to an experienced sex party-going couple who have been ‘in the lifestyle’ for three years. They have been married for well over a decade and have two children, one of whom has special needs. Husband Tom is a professional and Hannah is a stay-at-home mum and carer.
“A few years ago we watched as friends’ relationships fell apart due to affairs, jealousy and boredom. We did not want this to happen to us so we made a decision to try something different. We still have the love and security of being married with a family, but we also get the excitement and escapism of having sex with different people. The memories of these nights stay with us until we do it all over again.”
It is talking to Hannah and Tom that I first understand that each couple has ‘rules.’ While some only want to experiment with a woman, Tom and Hannah will only swap with another couple and only if both agree they are mutually attracted.
“We make a decision together and although I don’t mind kissing another woman, I am heterosexual. I have to be attracted to the man and he to me, and the same for Tom. This is something we enjoy doing together and for each other. Life can be stressful and every once in a while we get to escape the demands and pressures of everyday life and have fun.”
As the night goes on, I chat with other married couples with kids at home who are also looking for a bit of adventure – it is a common theme. A cute and nervous Kiwi couple tell me how they were childhood sweethearts and are just looking to try something new. Another extremely sweet but teetotal couple came because they wanted to explore sex with another woman, following a youthful experience that wife Annalise had that has left her wanting more.
I talk to single guest, Lisa, who is there because her husband has long-term health issues and he wants her to go out and enjoy herself. We laugh about our respective goodbyes to our partners and how very surreal it was – bye honey I’m off to a sex party, don’t wait up!
The conversations I have with these masked strangers are some of the most open and honest chats I have ever had. We laugh about married life and all its ups and downs as well as their curiosity and desire to explore sexual fantasies for real.
At about 11pm and halfway through a chat with an attractive UK couple who are newly together but very open, three people including Gisele make their way up to the main playroom. The guests collectively watch their progress up the stairs with interest – it is game on.
About 10 minutes later I venture up with a few other curious guests to find a threesome in full swing. Bits of clothing are everywhere and my first reaction is to laugh. Yes it is erotic, but there are pants around ankles, bottoms in the air and kissy noises, with no background music or slick editing to sex it up.
A few people stay on for further voyeurism but I head back downstairs to chat to a stylish blonde named Bree and her partner Mark who have been married for eight years with two kids. We talk about Bree’s previous experiences with women and experimentation at couples clubs. She tells me that although her sex life with husband Mark is hot, she loves women too and has enjoyed discovering this side to herself in the last year.
I learn that their rules are strict – they do not play with other men and only seek out single women to have threesomes with. I am conscious they are making a play for me with multiple compliments and cheeky remarks. She is very touchy feely and as the flirting ramps up to level 10, I notice a beautiful couple getting naked in the bedroom alongside us.
It is hard to ignore the groans and I cannot look away from these attractive exhibitionists now having sex just metres from where I am standing.
Bree starts stroking my back and telling me about how soft and wonderful it is to be with another woman and out of nowhere Gisele appears with smeared lipstick and flushed cheeks, fresh from her threesome. I introduce Gisele and Mark who some moments later begin kissing. Bree takes my hand and pulls me into the bedroom and although she is absolutely gorgeous and I am flattered beyond belief, I decide that now is perhaps the time to make an exit. I make my apologies and leave them to their fun.
I find Natalie who tells me it is getting really hot in the main playroom with a number of naked guests sharing the bed. By this time it is close to midnight and I am tired. It also feels wrong to stay knowing I won’t be partaking in the action.
As I settle into the cab I feel relieved to be heading home but also privileged to have been there at all. I am overwhelmed by the whole experience but it is the honesty and authenticity of those I spoke to that will stay with me the most. I just hope that when the night was over, they all got exactly what they came for.
While it might not be the lifestyle choice for me, it has certainly given my husband and I a lot to talk about, and we’ll be enjoying the memories of my foray into that naughty and seductive world for some time to come.
Would you be prepared to try a sex party with your partner?
All names have been changed to protect guests’ privacy.
The writer was a guest of Killing Kittens www.killingkittens.com
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Laura Jackel is a writer, mum, wife, feminist and human being. She has been published by numerous websites here in Australia and overseas including The Guardian, The Daily Telegraph and The Newcastle Herald. For links to Laura’s published articles and information about her work as a copywriter, visit www.laurajackel.com.