My daughter's upbringing will kinda be like Blue Ivy's. Kinda.

Well here we are, another year of the VMA’s and Beyonce has well and truly stolen the show, before it’s even begun.

This year Queen B chose her adorable four-year-old daughter, Blue Ivy, as her date for the awards ceremony and together they wowed the crowds with their glittering ball gowns, braided do’s and sparkling accessories. For any four-year-old girl it was a dream come true.

Beyonce and Blue Ivy arrive at the VMAs.  Image via Getty.

Seeing Beyonce and Blue together made me think of my own daughter. Sure she's only one-year-old but that hasn't stopped me from planning out our lives of happy mother-daughter memories. It seems though that my daughter's experiences may differ ever so slightly from those of Blue.

Moments in the spotlight

Beautiful Blue made her red carpet appearance in style and looked every bit at ease as she posed for pictures with her stunning mother. It really was her moment and she owned it.

My daughter, Isla, will have her moment too. I imagine that at four she will be quite the little runner and so I plan on taking her as my date to my local Aldi and getting her to line up at the arse crack of dawn for the weekly special buys. You can't imagine the celebrations that will happen if she manages to out run everyone and get to that automatic vacuum cleaner first. Her time. It will be her time.

Spa Treatments

Mothers and daughters love enjoying a pampering day together, right? I have no doubt that Blue and Beyonce have enjoyed some pampering of the highest degree. I think I once read a story about them partaking in virgin unicorn tear facials (or maybe I made that up), whatever, neither of them are mani strangers.


Jacqui with her daughter, Isla. Image: Supplied

After two boys I was overjoyed to learn that my third bundle would be pink.

Before she was born I was imagining our pamper days at the local salon.  And it happened. Two weeks after she came into the world my husband took our boys to the park and I ventured solo with my girl to the nail salon down the road. I pissed everyone off trying to manoeuvre my obnoxious pram through the middle of the shop, finding no where appropriate to leave it. Naturally this woke her up. I placed her on my lap and while I dipped me feet into the pedicure bath, then I felt the familiar warmth that can only come from a baby crapping itself on your leg. Bliss. She spent the next twenty minutes screeching like a wounded cockatoo. Memories, this is the stuff.


Like most people I've seen pics of Beyonce, Jay Z and Blue relaxing in style at some of the most exotic and stunning holiday destinations the world has to offer. St Barts, Paris, The Maldives.

Image: Instagram

I did some googling last week and the Big Four holiday park up the coast looks pretty good. We should probably have a holiday soon since I forget what my husband looks like. Then the dog ate a plastic play mat which cost me a thousand bucks at the vet and the smell of anything other than bile through my car. Holiday funds gone.



I have no doubt that Beyonce sees the importance of teaching Blue about charity, especially since she is being raised in such privilege.


Isla got the privilege of witnessing me, covered in feel-better-Doritos-dust, cleaning out my closet recently. As I sat on the floor stuffing beautiful clothes into a green plastic bag (and unnaturally orange corn chips into my face hole), I conceded defeat that my stupidly expensive pre-baby jeans will never fit again. I tried to not let her see my tears as I bundled the bags into a giant red bin with a graffiti dick on the side.


It goes without saying that Beyonce is a one-woman powerhouse. At this point in time I wonder whether she has run out of space to store all of her awards. Blue Ivy is without doubt being raised by an incredibly successful, strong woman which makes for a fantastic role model.

Image via Giphy.

A friend congratulated me yesterday for brushing my hair. And she meant it.

A loving home

Jay Z and Beyonce have weathered their fair share of rumours regarding the state of their relationship. But each and every time they have come out stronger, demonstrating a stable and loving relationship for their daughter.

My kids get to see love in action too. Every Wednesday I pinch my husband on the arse and remind him to take out the bins. Relationship goals, indeed.

Then there was the time I made him a sandwich to enjoy at the park with the kids because I don't care how old you are, drawing dicks on other people's stuff will always be funny. Do you think Beyonce does the same for Jay?