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"Hey mums, it's time to put down the wine and pick up a bong."

At first I loved the idea of pot-smoking mums. Groups of women who say taking a hit from a bong before reading their children bedtime stories makes for a much better experience for all. Then I fast-forwarded to thoughts of the morning after – the fruit roll up wrappers strewn across the kitchen bench and all the ice-cream eaten. Then I thought maybe it isn’t such a good idea after all.

Sure, these kids are getting a happy and relaxed mum who is thrilled to read the same bedtime story three times, complete with funny voices. however these children will eventually be deprived of all of their favourite snack foods because after the high comes the munchies. And nothing satisfies the munchies more than children’s snack foods. I’m talking fruit roll ups, cheese snacks, crunchy crackers and tiny teddies.

All the snacks. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.

So I’m reluctant, despite testimonials from women such as The Moms of Marijuana, a group of women in Beverly Hills in the US who have access to medical marijuana and say it makes them better mothers.

FYI, medical marijuana is legal in some parts of the US however isn’t yet legal in Australia. Wine is legal. But we can live in hope.

Ms Jones with bong
January Jones preparing for bedtime reading in her home in Beverly Hills. Images courtesy of The Young Turks and Barcroft TV.

January Jones is a Beverly Hills mum who proudly takes a hit from a bong before bedtime. Ms Jones started using marijuana due to early onset arthritis and noticed many other benefits, telling Barcroft TV, “Smoking cannabis helps me be a better mother. It makes me a more creative mum, a more relaxed mother.” She also reads her two-year-old daughter a book about cannabis use called, It’s Just a Plant because, education people.

“Marijuana is for grown-ups,” said Jackie’s mum. “Some things are for adults and not for children, like driving a car or drinking a coffee.”

Suddenly, Jackie stopped to sniff the air.

“I know that smell!” she said…

Its Just a Plant book cover
Image courtesy of justaplant.com.
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In Australia a mother’s preferred method of relaxation is usually wine, or in my case, a cup of tea and a mint slice biscuit (because I don’t drink, don’t judge). True, my night-time relaxation ritual doesn’t improve my performance as a mother because I can’t truly enjoy it until the kids are in bed. Every extra request they have between their bedtime story and actual bedtime fills me with resentment.

Mummy needs her tea and mint slice biscuit. Please go to sleep, now!

Where as if I went outside and took a hit from “Mummy’s special helper” I’d be so chill that their requests would be met with lazy smiles, sleepy nods and my own requests for them to bring me more packets of sweet and salty popcorn from the kitchen.

My kids won’t know what hit ’em.

“Marijuana mum” January Jones spoke to Barcroft TV about her use of medicinal cannabis and the affect it has on her parenting. Post continues after this video…

Video by The Young Turks

They might be a bit scared, actually. I can imagine them saying, “Mum, why are you so happy,” and looking at me with suspicious little faces. Which is the moment I would choose to pull out my own copy of It’s Just a Plant and read it to them, followed by several Dr. Seuss books and then maybe a bit of a go at Where’s Wally?

“You can’t hide from me today you little bugger,” I’d say as I sent my daughter to get me another bag of sweet and salty popcorn out of the cupboard before falling asleep on the floor and waking up a few hours later, only to find the kids in the living room playing on the X-Box.

At 1am.

Obviously I could do it better than this. There are so many YouTube videos available showing mothers who use cannabis in a variety of interesting ways, including hosting dinner parties using it as an ingredient and a garnish.

Why don’t I have friends like that? I just have silly friends and their paellas and their fancy coffee machines…

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