'I fell hard into 'mummy wine culture'. Here's the most surprising things I've learned from 4 years alcohol-free.'

Sarah Rusbatch remembers clearly the moment she knew she had to quit drinking. 

She woke up one morning to find her five-year-old daughter leaning over her, looking concerned. 

"Mummy, what happened to your face?" she asked. 

Sarah, now 45, had spent the previous evening at a friend's 40th birthday party.

But she had no idea what had happened to her face... until she looked in the mirror. At the sight of her bruised face and bloodied nose, the memories flooded back to her.

"At the party, the drinks were flowing. The host was topping up glasses before they even got as far as half empty and I certainly wasn't complaining," she tells Mamamia. 

"I could feel myself getting drunk, which was exactly where I wanted to be."

Later in the evening, Sarah went into the back garden to smoke a cigarette. 

"After finishing my cigarette, I crouched down in my high heels to stub out the butt, but I lost my balance. As alcohol had robbed me of my reflexes, I toppled forward, landing squarely on the concrete, face first.

"My lip split open, my nose smashed on the concrete, my eyes were blackening by the second," she says.

Embarrassed, she fled the party, then vomited before collapsing into bed.

Now, her young child was witness to the injuries she'd sustained from heavy drinking.

Sarah had struggled with moderating her drinking since her teens, but when she put her high-flying career on hold and moved to the suburbs where she had two children, her consumption escalated. 

"Suddenly, I felt directionless and so lonely. I'd gone from being a high flyer with a hectic social life, to living in a new town where I had no friends and spent my time cleaning up sick," Sarah says. 

"It was then that wine became my 'friend', my crutch. Whereas previously I’d only really drank when socialising, now I was counting down until 5pm each day so I could open a bottle of wine because 'I deserved it'. I'd live for weekends when I'd allow myself to drink more, and crave my Sunday lunch because I deemed it an acceptable time to drink from midday."

Sarah was a victim of 'Mummy Wine Culture', an increasingly prevalent trend where mums and marketing executives alike normalise the heavy drinking of mothers with jokes, memes and merchandise. 

According to the National Drug Household Survey 2019, more than one in five working women in Australia are drinking at hazardous or harmful levels. Right now, Australia is also at a 10-year high for alcohol-related deaths.

"Slogans like 'Mummy juice' and 'I only drink wine because my kids whine'," Sarah explains. "Heavy drinking was being popularised as a form of self-care for exhausted mums."

As a result, Sarah's mental health was suffering, and she wasted many days feeling hungover and guilty. "I wasn't being the mum I wanted to be," she says.

Sarah eventually had a three-month break from booze after reading Annie Grace's This Naked Mind.

But when she picked the bottle back up, it wasn't long before her drinking escalated again.

After the now notorious 40th birthday celebrations, Sarah quit drinking for good.

"It wasn't always easy. There is so much to navigate when we stop drinking – sober socialising, a change in relationships, sugar cravings, feeling all the feels because when we stop numbing with alcohol we start to really feel every emotion). The idea that this was going to be forever was hard to get my head around," she says. 

"But I couldn't deny the benefits. I slept better, had more energy and focus. And so much time! I never realised how much alcohol had been robbing me of this precious commodity!"

Sarah was a 'grey area drinker'; someone who is struggling with negative impacts of drinking but might not be medically alcohol dependent. While Sarah was able to stop drinking without professional support, she wants more people to know that there's assistance with detox from treatment programs like Clean Slate Clinic, for those who need it. 

Sarah has now been sober over four years and has learned many unexpected lessons along the way.

Here are seven of the most surprising: 

1. You don’t have to hit rock bottom to decide to stop drinking.

Despite common belief, you don't have to be alcohol dependent to stop drinking. The all-or-nothing approach aside, a reduced intake long-term can mean a substantially reduced risk of breast cancer and heart disease, and can improve your cognitive function and your experience living with a mental illness.

"If you drink consistently, then you’ll know booze affects your sleep, relationships, work, energy and your mental health," Sarah says. 

"It affects your whole life. But society tells us if you’re not classed as an alcoholic – you don’t have a problem."

The bottom line is, if alcohol has become a source of negativity in your life, it might be time to address it. 

2. You have the power to break the cycle. 

Whether you are a 'grey area drinker' or have strayed into more serious drinking territory, Sarah wants you to know, you have the power to break the cycle.

"So much stigma surrounds women drinking and women asking for help. Grey area drinkers like myself might not need a detox, but others will require that and there is absolutely no shame in it," Sarah says. 

"Virtual services like Clean Slate Clinic, where you can break the cycle from home, are so important for those who need a little bit of extra help and prefer to do so from the comfort of their own environment, compared to an inpatient program."

Clean Slate Clinic's program is delivered by leading addiction clinicians, and includes preparation and assessment, medicated withdrawal, and 12 months of support to help patients stay on track.

They're committed to supporting the health and wellness of those struggling with alcohol dependence, and helping those to withdraw safely at home with full medical guidance. 

3. You'll have nowhere to hide – in the best possible way.

Alcohol is a depressant and it numbs us to our feelings and the challenges of the outside world. 

But that's not a healthy way to cope, Sarah explains.

"Sobriety means truly getting to know yourself as you have nowhere to hide. You can't help but grow and evolve as a person as you learn to process difficult situations without numbing," she says.

4. Sobriety allows us to truly step into our power and potential. 

"We stay stuck in old patterns and behaviours when we drink. Nothing changes. We stay doing what we’ve always done because we don’t have the mental clarity, motivation, energy or self-confidence to change," Sarah says. "Alcohol robs us of all that. The ONE change of removing alcohol is the catalyst to SO MUCH change."

After ditching booze, Sarah began getting quality sleep, exercising regularly, eating better, spending more time with her family, and even started her own business, after working for years in a job that wasn't fulfilling her. 

"We can't create a life we truly love and show up as our true authentic self if we're getting drunk all the time. When we remove alcohol our confidence increases, our self belief increases and we begin to open up to new possibilities in the world and creating a life we truly love," Sarah says. 

5. Trying to heal yourself while still drinking is like trying to heal a broken ankle by going for a run every day.

We can’t do the deeper work of healing, self-growth and personal development if we are drunk or hungover all the time.

And Sarah is keen to emphasise that even small amounts of alcohol can have an impact on this. 

"We don’t have to be drinking two bottles of wine a night for alcohol to affect our mood, anxiety and propensity for depression," she says. 

"A glass or two of wine a few times a week will do that. What’s surprising is the first thing that could be done to help so many people - advise they take a break from alcohol -  is rarely offered. Yet taking that break is often the catalyst to such improvements in mental health."

6. Sobriety changes your relationships and sex life – for the better.

Hands up who feels intimidated by sober sex?

It might sound weird, especially if you're in a long-term relationship, but so many of us use alcohol as a precursor to intimacy, especially if we get into a bit of a rut with our sex lives.

"I'd been with my partner 20 years and still struggled with sober sex in my early days of sobriety," Sarah says. 

But over time, things have got better - better, in fact, than Sarah could ever have imagined. 

"To say it’s been a surprise is an understatement – weird at first, yes, as we both got used to being fully present and in the moment, but it didn’t take long for it to become more natural, more meaningful and yes, more fulfilling! If only I’d known years ago that sober sex is actually so much better," she says.

7. You might lose friends. And that's okay. 

When we decide to make changes in our life, the closest people in our lives usually have an opinion on it. Some will support and some won’t.

"Going alcohol free brings up issues for other people. It’s surprising the defensiveness that comes up with drinking buddies. We hear them say: ‘I only drink on Fridays! I only drink with you!’ and of course the peer pressure to ‘not be so boring’ or ‘just have one’," Sarah says. 

Over time, those unsupportive friends, or the ones who don't like having a mirror held up to their own drinking, will fall away – and that's okay, because this is your journey and no one else's.

"My friendships are now deeper and more authentic than ever before," Sarah says.

Explore Clean Slate Clinic's innovative program, designed by professionals to help you detox from alcohol, stimulants or cannabis, safely from home.

This information is general in nature and does not replace the advice of a healthcare professional. As with any medical intervention, speaking with your doctor is advised.

Read more from Sarah Rusbatch about her sobriety journey on her Instagram here.

Feature Image: Supplied/Instagram/@sarahrusbatch