A mum in the US has done what all mums everywhere have likely threatened to do when it comes to dealing with the Elf on the Goddamn Shelf (surely that’s its official name by now).
She’s killed it. Well, almost.
First off, Brittany Mease deserves our immediate respect for ensuring her Elf ‘arrived’ with a broken leg this year and a letter from Santa that ordered bed rest for two weeks – meaning she didn’t have to worry about moving the bloody thing for 14 days.
But, all too quickly, the fortnight was over and Mease had to do something – anything – to hide the elf as her children were distracted in the other room.
“The other day the kids noticed that it had been longer than 14 days and he hadn’t moved so when they weren’t looking I grabbed him off the kitchen counter and quickly tossed him in the oven until I could move him later and not raise any suspicion,” she posted to Facebook.
Problem was… She forgot where she put him and, a few days later, when she was planning to heat up leftover pasta, the poor (arguable use of adjective) Elf was still in the oven.
“I seriously forgot I put the freaking elf in the freaking oven,” she wrote. “I preheated the oven and started cleaning the kitchen. About four minutes later I started to smell something REALLY funky and that’s when all hell broke loose and I broke my son’s heart.”
LISTEN: Mother-of-two Holly Wainwright shares her Elf on the Shelf woes, on our podcast for imperfect parents. Post continues after.
She said her eldest, Gray, was particularly heart broken, while her youngest Ily thought the situation was funny. (The “savage child” was also quite relieved at the Elf’s misfortune, thinking Santa will have no way to know now if she’s being naughty.)
As for Mease? She’s in problem-solving mode.
“Now, I have to call Santa (in front of the kids) and ask him if he will please pick Elfis up tonight,” she wrote. “You know, since he is unable to make it to the North Pole to get fixed because his head literally popped off from being too hot once we pulled him out of the oven and his feet are completely melted off.”
Oh dear. Just think, only three more days to go.