A mother, distressed after her ex-husband had their son’s hair cut without her permission, has turned to her fellow mums on social media for support only to be shocked be told to stop being so dramatic.
The mum, with the user name 4n0nym0u5 wrote on the UK parenting site Mumsnet: ” I have a 4 year old boy and he has (had) longish hair….looked like a little rockstar and people always commented on how good he looked.”
She explained that he was having his school photo taken and she was keen for him to show off his long hair in the photograph.
She said when her ex-husband picked up their son for an overnight stay she explained that it was his school photo the next day and she told her ex-husband she had wanted the little boy’s hair long for the photo. To her horror she says hours later had text from her ex saying he was taking the boy for a haircut.
She writes: “I got a text this morning saying that he has asked him if he wants his hair cutting and my 4-year-old son apparently said, yes, I want to look like a boy. So he booked him in to have it cut this afternoon. I text him pleading that he doesn't get it cut, I rang but he never answered and when he did I begged in tears he didn't do it, that he just leave it for this weekend and I’d get it cut after his photo. He said he’s going to see what my son wants.”
The distraught mother says: “My ex has it in his head that only girls have long hair and boys hair should be short. he is very steryotypical [sic] Hes due to drop my son off at 7pm tonight, and I’m dreading seeing his short hair. I’m going to show a smile for my son and say wow look how handsome you are, but inside I will be heartbroken.”
The woman's post. Via Mumsnet.
Immediately other mumsneters questioned her: "“I'm a bit lost as to why you're so fixated on this, but I think that I would let my DS choose how he wanted his hair.”
Another: “Your son said he wanted his hair cut and his dad had it cut so I don't see the problem. I know you're upset, but it's not your hair.”
After comments such as “F*****g hell its just hair. It should be up to your son” she goes on to explain "my son told me he wants it long, but his dad said he told him he wants it short!
But the other posters didn’t agree.
“You think he looked like a little rock star yet think your ex is unreasonable?”
Just some of the responses. Via Mumsnet.
Another wrote “I'm sure you have lots of pictures of him with "rockstar" hair. I can't really understand the crying, begging and wailing about a haircut YOUR DS wanted. You sound like your priorities are far to driven by what you want your son to look like rather than what he wants TBH.
I'm with your EX on this.”
Yet another told her to “stop being so dramatic”.
“I think you need to concentrate on bigger things than haircuts”
“I'm guessing your child will also tell each of his parents what he thinks they want to hear.”
Others told her to stop focusing on her son’s appearance: Seems to be an obsession among some mums of boys to fixate on never cutting their hair. Children aren't dolls for you to fashion into what you want..
You seem to be placing far too much importance on appearance.”
A poster called Phillipp was probably the most logical of all:
"You want it long and your ex wants it short. And your poor ds is caught in the middle of some sort of power okay over his hair. He told his dad he wanted it cut. So he did it. Possibly ds said it because he thinks that's what his dad wants. Possibly he wants it short but since he knows you want it long, tells you he wants it long. Or maybe he changes his mind from day to day. That's ok. It grows back. If he wants it long again, it will grow.
"Rather than getting hysterical over hair. Think about your son. If he feels you are both putting him in the middle, growing up will be shit for him.
"You don't seem to get that your son has 2 parents. Your ds wasn't pinned down or dragged to the hair dressers. A decision was made that your ds was happy with. End of.”
Her battle echoes that of actress Halle Berry who had to take her former husband to court to stop him changing her their daughter’s hair.
Berry took former husband Gabriel Aubry to court claiming that he wanted their daughter, Nahla, to look white by straightening and lightening her hair.
After some easy summer braids? Post continues after video..
In the court documents Halle Berry stated: “I continue to hope that Gabriel and I can find a way to work together to be successful co-parents. It was with regret that I concluded that I had to seek the court’s intervention on these issues, but until Gabriel recognizes the meaning of joint legal custody and how it is implemented, it appears that the court will be my only resort to safeguard Nahla’s best interests.”
Halle won the battle, with the judge ruling that Nahla’s hair is allowed "to grow back naturally." And, moving forward, neither parent can alter Nahla's natural hair texture or color.
Back on Mumsnet 4n0nym0u5 decided she didn’t need to go to such drastic lengths as court and instead took on the advice she was given “Thank you for your replies. I will suck it up and move on I guess....thank you...x”
Her reply a day later. Via MumsNet.
Before returning a day later and writing, with her tongue firmly in her cheek:
"Yes I am enjoying this sunday, I went to harvest church this morning and this afternoon im planning on dressing my son up in a dress and putting bobbles in his hair going to the park with the kiddies. Thanks for your advice mumsnet. Sorry for the rant before! x"