celebrity

An appalling opening sketch and another Taylor Swift snub: Mamamia recaps the VMAs.

As I watched the MTV VMAs on Tuesday (recorded live on Monday night, Eastern Time in the US), there was one fact of which I was certain:

These people, while lovely, cannot possibly be famous.

Who are… you:

2019 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals
Your name is allegedly Mariah Lynn and I can see your nipple.

And... you:

2019 MTV Video Music Awards - Red Carpet
In what world am I meant to recognise Youtuber Tana Mongeau.

And, relatedly, you:

Jena Frumes attends the 2019 MTV Video Music Video Awards
Congrats on your acting career, Jena Frumes.
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It made for a confusing event, punctuated by impatient yells of 'wait, who is THAT,' as well as exchanges like:

Me: "Ooooh, does she sing that song that goes Havana, ooh na-na."

Stranger: "No."

I see.

So to give you the goss, without the confusion, here are the 6 things you missed from the 2019 MTV VMAs:

A cringe-y opening monologue

Speaking of people who cannot possibly be famous: Sebastian Maniscalco.

the bachelor australia 2019 recap emma

The 'comedian' was, somehow, the person tasked with opening the night, and entered the stage with a cloud of smoke, loud rap music and raucous applause.

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For why.

Sir, who are you.

Maniscalco was speaking for approximately 60 seconds before he made a joke about people who get offended and need safe spaces, leading to an immediate Twitter pile on.

Watch Lizzo's viral performance at the VMAs. Post continues after video.

"MTV, what they’re doing is they’ve noticed that we’re living in ultra-sensitive times, right, so if you feel triggered or you feel offended by anything I’m saying up here or anything the musical artists are doing, they’re providing a safe space backstage where you’ll get some stress balls and a blankie," he said.

"Personally, I would remove you from the arena, put you in your car and send you home but they opted with the safe space."

sebastian-maniscalco
Dude, no.

Wrong audience, time, political context, etc etc.

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John Travolta not knowing who Taylor Swift was

It was ten years ago that Kanye West yelled "IMMA LET U FINISH" in Taylor Swift's face before literally stealing her microphone as she was accepting her award for Best Video.

This year, when she won the same award, no one stole her microphone. But a man did try to give her trophy to a person who wasn't her.

John, pls. That's Ru Paul's Drag Race star Jade Jolie, who in Travolta's defence, is a Taylor Swift impersonator.

But that doesn't make the memes any less funny.

Miley's private performance for Liam that we definitely weren't invited to

When we heard that Miley Cyrus would be performing at the VMAs, just weeks after her separation with husband Liam Hemsworth, our reaction went something like this:

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SING US THE GOSSIP, PLS.

And sing us the gossip she did.

Cyrus' performance of her new song 'Slide Away' was aired in black and white, and she was 100 per cent, without a doubt, directing the whole thing to Liam.

Here are my favourite lyrics and how I'm choosing to interpret them. Ahem:

"I want my house in the hills... don't want the whiskey and pills" = SOMEONE HAS A GODDAMN DRUG AND ALCOHOL PROBLEM.

"So won't you slide away... back to the ocean, I'll go back to the city lights" = Liam, pls, go hang in Byron Bay (i.e. the ocean) and I'm going to stay in LA with my friend, Kaitlynn Carter.

Watch it for yourself, here:

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Cardi B's clapping

It is my favourite thing in the world when people's nails and/or jewellery is too extreme to allow them to clap.

At an awards ceremony.

An event that's purely about people getting awards, giving performances, and the audience applauding.

Cardi B, you need to... nevermind.

cardi b

No one being able to dance

You would think at a music awards night, most people would have a fairly strong sense of rhythm.

But no. Everyone apparently dances like my mum after a few wines.

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TAYLOR.

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YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL MUSICIAN.

But luckily a performance by someone called Normani made up for the atrocious dancing.

No one being able to dance
I see.

Lizzo just being Lizzo.

No.

Lizzo is too good for a) this show and b) this world.

It's a truth that can only be conveyed in reaction tweets.

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View this post on Instagram

 

Lizzo deserves more from all of us.

A post shared by Clare And Jessie Stephens (@thetwins_thoughts) on

Watch her whole performance here and WEEP.

For more from Clare Stephens, you can follow her on FacebookInstagram or Twitter.

READ: Mamamia's MTV VMAs red carpet 2019 recap: A forgotten Jonas brother, rogue nipples, and a case of severe underdressing.

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