The 12 things that no movie-goer should ever, ever do.

Going to the movies is an investment.

I’m talking about the $20 movie ticket price tag. The small mortgage you have to get to buy a choc-top, popcorn and drink.

I’m talking time.

I’m talking effort (you know, getting out of your pyjamas and ugg boots and wearing normal clothes).

Because of this, I rarely go to the movies. I prefer to just wait until they air on Foxtel or download the movie from iTunes.

But, as it happens, recently there have been two movies that I just couldn’t wait to see. Call it FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). So, I smashed open the piggy bank and went.

Read more: 11 movies you loved as a kid that need to be remade.

Only to have BOTH experiences completely ruined by inconsiderate and highly-annoying movie-goers.

No, I’m not only talking about the granny who doesn’t realise that she is talking THROUGH OUT the movie (she pissed me off too). I’m talking about the entire cinema full of people who broke the cardinal rules of movie going.

If you have ever done any of the below…just know…the entire cinema is secretly hating you.

1. Chew loudly.

This is to be done during the movie previews. This is why they play for 20 long minutes. Your loud chewing is not appreciated during the opening scene of The Avengers. Neither is your chip bag opening. 

2. Invading personal space.

Sitting directly next to me in an empty cinema. Full, I understand. Empty, you’re officially a creep.

3. Block my view. 

If you sit directly in front of me in an empty cinema, you are just plain annoying. Especially, if you are tall.


4. Bring hot food.

If you want to sneak in food that is not from the overpriced candy bar, I cheer you. Unless it is something that stinks up the place like McDonald’s. Then I hate you.

5. Put your bum in my face.

Do not squeeze past me AFTER the movie has started. While you might not care about the opening scene, I do, and thanks to you, I just missed it.

6. Take your shoes off.

This is worse than the McDonald’s smell. You should be fined.

7. Putting your feet up.

Putting those stinky sock-clad feet on the chairs.

8. Kick my chair.

“Accidently” kicking my chair. [Insert many many swear words here.]

9. Beep. Beep. Beep beep. 

“Forgetting” to turn your phone to silent. This is not 2005. You know how to use your phone. While I’m at it, stop checking your bloody messages. You are not that important that you can’t go off the grid for 2 hours.

10. Provide commentary.

Running commentary. Usually reserved for old grannys, now everyone seems to have started doing this. Not cool people.

11. Spreading your spoilers. 

Telling everyone what is going to happen next. Whether you’ve read the book, watching the movie for the second time, or just think you are a movie genius, nobody cares. I paid $20 for Hollywood to tell me, not you.

12. Be a horny teenager. 

Teenagers…the following is rude: pashing loudly (nobody needs to hear your tongues slapping against each other), flirting with the group of boys you came with (they are also trying to watch the bloody movie) and talking out loud to your friends about who will be hooking up with on the bus ride home (you’re ruining Chris Hemsworth’s biceps for me).

Have any to add to the list?