rogue

US Election: Tasmanian makes the case for sad Americans to choose Tasmania, not Canada.

James Dunlevie makes a tongue-in-cheek pitch to Americans feeling dismayed, at best, about the election of Donald Trump to the US presidency.

The election of Donald Trump to the American presidency has delighted many but shocked others, none more so than Americans pinning their hopes on Hillary Clinton.

Canada’s immigration website crashed under the weight of enquiries before the Trump victory was even official, such was the panic at the thought of The Donald taking over the White House.

So, with Canada off the menu, may I suggest disgruntled Americans consider Tasmania as an alternate destination?

We are not too different to Canada and we have a lot of stuff that could pass off as American.

Don’t believe me? Read on.

(NOTE TO ALARMED TASMANIANS – Hey, our economy is in the doldrums, more people can only be a good thing, right? You got a better idea? Let’s hear it!)

Canada's Justin Trudeau and Tasmania's Will Hodgman lead the way. Image via ABC News.

Critters

We do cute animals in Tasmania, and feisty too.

Tasmania has penguins, eagles, dolphins, dogs, cats, spiders, ants, all the usual gear.

We also have Tasmanian devils. They're lovely, you Americans will like them, just watch out for their teeth.

While Canada has the moose, in Tasmania we have something called a pademelon, which is kind of like a huge rat. Don't worry, they mainly congregate in the "bush", which is Tasmanian for "forest".

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We used to have Tasmanian tigers but we killed them all because they ate all the sheep. We now have lots of sheep.

Some still believe the Tasmanian tiger exists somewhere in the mountains, just like Bigfoot!

Hot politicians and people

Canada's Justin Trudeau may be a devastatingly handsome man who has a gender-balanced Cabinet, welcomes refugees, explains quantum physics and is an all-round superhero, but we have Premier Will Hodgman who, when Tasmania was described as a land of dregs, bogans and third-generation morons, hit back by saying such comments are "out of step with what the vast majority of people are saying". Take that!

Anyway, as the saying goes: "politics is show business for ugly people". Hotties really have no place in high office.

Generally speaking, Tasmanian people are regarded as being extremely good looking, so much so that one Tasmanian woman, Georgia Love, aka The Bachelorette, recently had no fewer than 16 men vying for her attention over the course of several TV weeks.

Georgia Love, a Tasmanian, was the 2016 Bachelorette. Image via Channel 10.

A skyscraper

Tasmania has one tallish building of 73 metres (240 feet), which admittedly is no Trump Tower (202 metres, 664 feet), but that would work in its favour as far as some Americans are concerned, am I right?

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I can confirm there are plans to build a 120-metre (393 feet) building in Hobart very soon, so we have that big city thing covered.

I will admit that I do prefer my skies to be cloudy, dramatic and streaky, but I also don’t mind when it glows orange like this during sunset as it occasionally does over Hobart here in @tasmania. It’s the weekend here and @tassieadventurer and I are off on a little photography mission to capture some shots at Tasmania’s newest luxury wilderness lodge which has literally just opened this month. Follow along on my story over the weekend to see what we get up to and where we end up. I hope everyone has an awesome weekend! ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Canon 5DS Canon 70-300mm f/4L 160mm f/22 30secs ISO100 @nisifiltersaustralia 0.9SG ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ #global_hotshotz#longexposureoftheday#longexposurephotography#hotshotz_#longexposure_shots#amazing_longexpo#wow_australia2016#australiagram#exploringaustralia#sky_sultans#discovertasmania#magicpict#fantastic_captures#ig_shotz#jaw_dropping_shots#dream_image#hobartandbeyond#nisifiltersau#greatshotz#earthpix#awesome_earthpix#travelstoke#amazing_captures#global_hotshotz#ig_exquisite#longexpoelite#amazing_captures#seeaustralia#igpodium#ig_masterpiece

A photo posted by Jason ???? Hobart, Tasmania (@tassiegrammer) on

Yacht racing

Tasmania can do "rich man's sport" just as well as the USA.

You have the America's Cup and we have the Sydney To Hobart, which is a big deal not only in Tasmania but in Sydney as well.

And while the start of our race may be in Sydney, it is the end part which is important, and that happens in Hobart, Tasmania.

Americans might remember that Australia won the America's Cup, once in 1983, and we have done our best to not let America forget it.

Americans have won the Sydney to Hobart ten times, the most recent being last year, but our win 33 years ago is still better because we were the underdogs and everyone loves a winner who comes from behind against the odds, don't they?

Except in the case of Donald Trump, of course.

The great outdoors

The Grand Canyon, Yosemite, Niagara Falls are all great, but Tasmania has enough spectacular scenery to make sad Americans feel right at home.

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Forests - Tasmania has them. Beautiful beaches - Tasmania is surrounded by them, by virtue of being an island.

Almost everything the USA has in terms of outdoors attractions Tasmania also has, albeit much, much smaller.

Vacations (we call them holidays) in Tasmania are often spent hiking (we call it bushwalking) or driving around in RVs (camper vans) or in tents (tents).

Seriously, this place is great for all of your outdoor adventure needs, although it can get cold so bring a sweater (jumper).

Admittedly Canada also has the outdoors, so it is a bit of a toss up on this one.

Beer

Yes, we have plenty of this.

Hamburgers

No problem there. Beware of the pineapple, though.

Reality TV

It's taken us a while to catch up, but yes, we have this too.

Sport

Loads of it here, much of it quite similar to what you would be used to in the USA. Here in Tasmania there is cricket (a bit like baseball), footy (kind of like gridiron, which you know as NFL), soccer (the English kind), tennis (exactly the same) and all sorts of other pastimes.

We even have ice hockey, although it is not an official religion here as it is in Canada.

Shock jocks

No one can compete with the US on this and we don't even try. You can probably dial up some imported opinions from the big smoke (Sydney or Melbourne), but right now they are probably talking non-stop about Donald Trump, so when you look at it that way, Tasmania really is the place to be.

For US citizens thinking about choosing Tasmania over Canada, it may not entirely be to your liking though.

We drive on the left, take milk in our coffee not cream, we walk on the footpath not the sidewalk, we do not have a trillion TV channels and we like things to be quiet, in general. Leave your guns at home.

Actually, now that I think about it, this place is fine just the way it is.

Hey, I think the Canadian immigration website is back up again.

Featured image via iStock. 

This post originally appeared on ABC News

 

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Tags: current-affairs , news-3 , politics
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