Readers, meet Anonymous.
She is a very reasonable woman. And she has a best friend.
Anonymous and her best mate work together, and right now, Anonymous does not have children. Her best friend has recently switched her status from non-parent to Mum AF.
Anonymous writes:
My best friend had a baby 6 months ago.
We are both teachers and she got the maternity benefits of working for Education Queensland. Her husband has a very well paid job and she has said she feels lucky that she doesn’t HAVE to go back to work. But she said she needs the stimulation and recently returned to work.
Anonymous does not judge this choice. Anonymous is down:
Staying home full-time with the baby wasn’t for her, which I fully support. She does two relief teaching days a week now which means some weeks she doesn’t get called in at all and other weeks she gets two days of work.
What’s the problem, you ask? Well, you see, for Anonymous, her new-mum friend has become, well, let’s call it what it is: Unbearable:
What frustrates me is her attitude towards my profession and career now. My job is a trivial little day job compared to her working two days of relief AND being a mum. That is the way she makes me feel.
‘I had to go to work having been up all night, you don’t know how easy you have it.’ ‘I was up from 4am and now have to go to work.’
‘I had such a busy day at school, I didn’t get to return home to visit the baby at lunch.’
Because I don’t have a child at home or because I had a full night sleep, my job is nothing. Anything I say is quickly shut down because my life is so much easier.
Anonymous is shitty. Her once-tight friendship is crumbling, a minefield of simmering resentment.
But this is her CHOICE. Do people without children get no credit for the work they do, simply because when they get home, they don’t have children to look after?
Why do we know all this? Because Anonymous wrote to Mamamia’s flagship podcast, Mamamia Out Loud, go get some wisdom on how to handle this situation from the show’s hosts: Mia Freedman, Monique Bowley and Jessie Stephens.
They gave it, here:
But unfortunately for Anonymous, when it comes to answering her email in kind, in written form, she got me.
And I am not going tell her what she wants to hear (I’m assuming Anonymous is a woman, many apologies if I have mis-gendered you, Anon.) For one very simple reason.
OF COURSE YOUR FRIEND IS BUSIER THAN YOU. She has A BABY.
Let me recount a short tale, Anonymous. I had a baby once.
Well, I had a baby twice, but the first time is the revelation. I was 38 at the time. That’s thirty-eight years of living like a normal person.
Top Comments
I have a 4 month old and a 22 month old. The busiest/ hardest time of my life was when I was working six days a week, one full time job, one part time. My full time job involved 2 nights, often until 10pm & I was studying my masters too! I was up at 5.00am to get any housework/ washing done. Even two tiny kids is easier than that!! Hard is hard, just different types. We should be kind be to each other 😊
I am single and work full time, have a house with a mortgage and bills that I am the sole contributor to, I am studying my masters AND I have two dogs. I don't try to compare my busy to a new mums busy but seriously I get so sick and tired of new mums assuming that their life is so much harder then mine! I don't bemoan my situation because is is a direct product of my decisions. As is, people who choose to have a child. Apples and Oranges. Don't compare. Respect each other's business and show some sympathy or empathy to each other. Life is fucking hard enough as it is - to be in competition with another women is stupid. Support each other - don't compete.