'For the first 5 years of motherhood, I thought something was wrong. Then I discovered matrescence.'

Listen to this story being read by Laura Jackel, here.

I fell pregnant unexpectedly at 25 years old and while my fiance and I had discussed having kids; we didn’t imagine it would happen so soon.

Nine months later I was a mother, and just like that, everyone expects you to just fall into this role seamlessly. I got comments like, 'You’ll be the best mum', or 'You’ll figure it out with your mother's instincts'.

I call bullsh*t on 'mother's instincts', especially as a new mum.

Watch: Laura Byrne on the impossibility of being a 'good mum'. Story continues below. 

How was I meant to go from my 25-year-old self, who had never held a baby, who just bought a house, got engaged, was climbing the corporate ladder and enjoyed one too many wines - to a mother'? 

My whole life had changed. At first, it was my physical self. My body had changed, I felt disconnected from it, and it no longer felt like mine. But I came to learn that my physical self was just the tip of the iceberg. 

Motherhood changed EVERY aspect of my life - my relationships with my husband, my parents, my friends. On top of that, what I once valued had shifted, I viewed the world differently spiritually, and I couldn’t seem to bring corporate life and motherhood together. 

My brain had changed, and nothing made sense anymore. I kept telling myself maybe it was because I wasn’t ready to be a mum.  

For five years, I tried to get on with life like my entire world hadn’t changed. 

I worked like I didn’t have responsibilities at home, partied like I didn’t have a two-year-old to wake up to in the morning. I also tried to be the best mum; organising birthday parties and playdates, keeping on top of daycare activities and swimming lessons.  

I felt like I had two identities; I lived in two worlds which could never mesh together. I was in a constant state of an identity crisis.

I tried counselling sessions, but I knew deep down I couldn’t be the only one experiencing this. 

After having my second daughter, I knew things couldn’t continue as they were and I found a book by Amy Taylor- Kabbaz called Mama Rising, Discovering the New You Through Motherhood. 

This book changed everything for me as I learnt the term 'matrescence'.

Matrescence, like adolescence, is the emergence of a whole new identity: physical, emotional, societal, and spiritual. 

While reading this, I came to realise that there wasn’t anything wrong with me; it had been 'proven' that it is a real thing that I was experiencing. 

The term 'matrescence' was originally coined by Dr Dana Raphael in the 1970s and she defined it as a developmental passage where a woman transitions through pre-conception, pregnancy and birth, surrogacy or adoption, to the postnatal period and beyond. 

It wasn’t until the work of a clinical psychologist at Columbia University in New York, Dr Aurelie Athan in 2010, where she revived the study of matrescence, that the term grew in popularity. Dr Athan likened matrescence to adolescence which made so much sense, allowing the term to be adopted more broadly. 

As a society, we have lost the passing down of wisdom. My mother didn’t share with me how motherhood would change me, nor did I have grandmothers to pass down their wisdom either. Most of us don’t have the village to help us navigate motherhood and we are doing this solo. 

Having dived into understanding matrescence more deeply, it led me to overhaul my life completely by doing the work to discover who I am now: it helped me to discover my purpose. 

I have started a business where I help share the matrescence message, passing down feminine wisdom and supporting mothers through this transition by creating community and connection again. 

While my journey into motherhood felt like it was my unravelling, it has actually been my becoming

Not only did I birth babies, I also re-birthed myself. 

Megan is the founder of The Sacred Women's Society, a holistic women's community which shares ancient feminine wisdom, healing modalities as well as connection through circles to help support women to heal, navigate rites of passages and reclaim their feminine wisdom and power. ️ Megan's key areas of focus are Matrescence, Menarche, Women's cycles and energy work. You can follow Megan on Instagram  here.

Feature Image: Supplied. 

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