couples

"I confess: Despite my feelings for her, I want my MIL in our life."

Because I know he will regret it if she isn’t.

My husband and I got together 5 years ago, his family is in Adelaide, we live in Perth.

On our first meeting his mum and older sister fell in love with me, his other younger sister not so much – I was seen as competition.

We had a whirlwind romance – he proposed within 6 months of us getting together. This is when his mum and older sister changed their mind about me, I was keeping their son/brother in Perth and was replacing them as his most important person.

His mum and I have had a few run ins over the time.

I’m not shy in telling you what I think, and his mum has been the matriarch for the past 33 years of  his life. Once he moved out, he would go over to his place and do his laundry while he was at work. She also used to make 5 seperate meals for dinner for each family member. Obsessive would be the only word I can think of.

I sent his mum a letter a few month before our wedding saying that we’re both nice people and for the sake of my husband and our upcoming wedding in January (2014) we should make peace. I wanted her to be a part of our lives and our future children’s lives (she had previously told me that I was not welcome in her house).

She called me and said I was a disgusting person and how could my parents raise someone as horrible as me, then his younger sister texted my then-fiance saying the most vile things about me. She was supposed to be in my bridesmaid group. My fiance was so upset, he uninvited her from the wedding altogether.

My MIL declined the invitation to our wedding as did almost every member of his family. All because of the peace letter that I sent (I've actually shown one of his aunties the letter and she said that's not what his mum said was in it).

My husband has spoken to his mum for over a year now. Now we are due for our first baby in February - my MIL's first grandchild.

She still sends us cards for Christmas, birthdays and Easter - she has not acknowledged the fact that she did not come to our wedding or the fact that we are expecting. It's just a card with our names and "Love, Mum".

So advice needed:

My husband won't forgive my MIL for not coming to our wedding and for turning his family against him. However, I'm worried if she dies, my husband will always have regrets. She's not a nice woman, she's manipulative and vindictive but she is his mum. But as a mum to be, I know I could never treat my son as she has done.

Do I make contact with her and tell her she needs to call or write to my husband to make the peace or do I just concentrate on our own little family?

Please share your advice below. 

If, like this reader, you have a confession you would like advice about, email us at [email protected] with “I confess” in the subject field. Your identity will be protected and you will be contacted before publication. 

Want more? Try:

“I confess: I shouldn’t have married my husband.”

“I confess…being a mum is really boring.”

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