weddings

The most popular 'first dance' songs have been released and... they suck.

For a few years in my early twenties, I worked at a venue that held wedding receptions. It was during this time that I developed an unnatural love for weddings, that went against every inch of my feminist and egalitarian sensibilities.

I was in charge of ‘the lights’ for the first dance (it was a very complex job – I had to turn the lights off when the music started), so I witnessed more slow-dancing and unconventional song choices than I’d care to admit.

Being the weirdly sentimental person I am, however, I teared up more than once. One couple had Horses by Daryl Braithwaite as their first dance song and, I don’t know, it just really suited them.

How I looked while standing in the kitchen at work peeking through the window, admiring other peoples' love. And eating someones leftover entree. Image via Giphy.

So when I read that Spotify had released the 10 most popular first dance songs, and the general consensus was that they were really bad, I paused for a moment. 'Ummm sometimes you think a song will be terrible but then it really works for the couple,' I thought. 'Corny can be beautiful given the right context.'

But, behold, here are the top 10 first dance songs Spotify found after analysing almost seven million wedding playlists. And there are some genuine nuggets of crap in there.

10. Lonestar - Amazed.

Oh, is it taking you a second to work out what song this is? Let me jog your memory.

"Every time our eyes meet,
This feeling inside me,
Is almost more than I can take,
Baby when you touch me,
I can feel how much you love me,
And it just blows me away."

I'm sorry.

It's just so Love Song Dedications on MIX 106.5. If Richard Mercer were to choose a wedding song, this is what he would choose.

BE CREATIVE PEOPLE.

What's your biggest wedding regret? Post continues after video...

9. Jack Johnson - Better Together.

I've genuinely never heard this as a first dance song, but Spotify doesn't lie.

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I guess it's cute, and kinda... beachy? But, like, you'd hope you're 'better together', or it's probably a mistake that you're getting married.

"Mmm, it's always better when we're together,
Yeah, we'll look at them stars when we're together."

Cooooooooool.

8. Michael Bublé - Everything.

I actually feel really bad making fun of this one, because a couple very close to me chose this as their first dance song. And at the time, it was perfect.

But as Ron Burgundy says, 'The times, they are a-changin,' and I feel like we've moved on from Bublé.

Ever since he did a Christmas album, I haven't seen him in the same way. And is 'Everything' a little cliché?

"And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times,
It's you, it's you; you make me sing,
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything."

Actually nah scrap that, this is still cute.

7. Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up.

Again, I would hope you're not intending on giving up, or marriage probably isn't a great idea.

But, Jason Mraz? Really?

He... irks me. He's not invited to my wedding. Through song or otherwise.

6. Adele - Make You Feel My Love.

This is obviously the exception.

I LOVE YOU ADELE. YOU CAN DO NO WRONG.

The only logistical issue with this as a first dance song is the possibility of crying throughout its entirety. And that when I hear it I think solely about my love for Adele. No one else.

NEVERMIND I'LL FIND SOMEONE LIKE YOUUUUU. Image via Getty.

5. Christina Perri - A Thousand Years.

New rule. You are not allowed to steal your wedding song from a B-Grade (let's be honest, C-Grade) movie. It's just not okay.

For those who are respectable enough to not know what I'm talking about, this was the wedding song in Twilight. 

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And you know what? It was a goddamn beautiful wedding. But it was a vampire wedding. Not your wedding.

4. John Legend - All Of Me.

"My head's under water,
But I'm breathing fine,
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind."

Woah.

Don't call me crazy on my wedding day. Especially because, lets be honest, there's probably been a lot of crazy behaviour in the lead up to the first dance.

3. Ray LaMontagne - You Are The Best Thing.

I... I don't know this song.

But having listened to it for the first time only moments ago, it's just too much. I feel like I'm being yelled at.

On a related note - I already know I'm the best. So... you don't need to tell me.

Are you telling me because you think I don't already know orrrr. Image via Giphy.

2. Etta James - At Last.

Awww. This one is actually super sweet.

It gives me all the feels. I'd say 'it's been done', but eh, you do you.

1. Ed Sheeran - Thinking Out Loud.

Now this really, really, REALLY sucks. It's so... recent. And I'm just not sure it will stand the test of time.

I also have a problem with the lyrics:

"And, darling, I will be loving you 'til we're 70,
And, baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23."

The average life expectancy in Australia is like 82. So I'm hoping the love of my life will love me BEYOND 70, not till 70. Jesus.

Are you just going to abandon a 70-year-old lady? That's harsh. And you full planned it in your wedding song.

Spotify's research also found that wedding playlists in general were dominated by Journey's 'Don't Stop Believin'', The Black Eyed Peas' 'I Gotta Feelin'' and Bruno Mars' 'Marry You.'

Guys. Get your act together.

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