Small children are terrifying.
They dawdle through life with no filter. They have no guile either, so they can be forgiven for the things they say that metaphorically, if not literally, make your eyes pop out of your head with Do-Not-Say-That-Out-Loud-itis.
Like the time our son, at age 22 months pointed to the beer fridge at our local corner store and excitedly shouted, “DADDY!”
To be fair, it’s a reasonable connection to make and one I’ve pondered myself – the man can often be found with a stubby in hand. But it’s not one to be pondered out loud in front of an entire store of strangers who are now likely convinced that we’re complete alcoholics.
Yeah... this dude. Not the angel he appears to be. Image supplied
Or the time he pointed at my groin and giggled as I stepped out of the shower. (Oh, for bathroom privacy, that dream within a dream.)
"What's so funny, dude?" I asked the cheeky monkey.
"Your bagina, mummy."
Yeah... thanks for that mate. For what it's worth I think penises look pretty funny too. But we'll set that aside for now.
At least he didn't put us in the position of having to apologise to complete strangers like some Redditors were forced to.
Error_Flynn writes, "Was riding on a public bus. My five year old puts her hand on a guy's shoulder and says, 'this man is very fat'."
No, I will be grateful that so far our embarrassment has only included the public shaming of us, his loving parents.
Kids... who'd have 'em?