Ways I get out of the house on time with six kids under six – or at least make it to places fifteen minutes late which is one hell of an achievement:
No fancy nappy bag.
Throw everything that is vital into a WOOLWORTHS shopping bag; nappies, water, wipes, Valium and LOVE – all these things run out pretty quickly so be sure to pack enough in your bag.
Outfits; ready the night before.
Cut the crap, you’ve already committed to that, the children don’t change it, you don’t change it, it is what it is.
Never do anything twice.
If you have a little spill, that’s what wipes are for.
A blow out at the shops.
Kmart sells $3 onesies.
You’ll be right mate, calm down.
With no tops on, tops get dirty.
Everyone eats the same thing.
Choices are not an option.
Go go go.
Bowls in sinks.
Brush your teeth, put tops back on, no I didn’t say play fight, okay that’s it – you two go to the shoe area and put your allotted shoes on, it’s go time.
Shoes by the door.
Say it with me now: “Shoes by the door”. We have a shoe rack, if I go to that shoe rack (by my door) right now there are eight pairs of shoes, one for each of us , ready to go – do not remove these shoes, do shoe checks, say shoe again: shoe.
Lunches ready the night before.
If I have to tell you this I feel like I can’t help you, you are unhelpable.
I’m actually at a loss.. you don’t have lunch ready? I just, I just can’t help you.
Showers the night before!
Ain’t nobody got time for dat in the morning. If you do, can you message me because your way braver than I am and I think that you could throw down harder than me as a mum – #youwin
I feel damp.
Put kids in car separately.
You can take them all at once if you’re bat sh*t crazy and want children running in different directions and climbing on seats and hitting each other, that’s your choice.
I take one at a time, walk, sit, buckle, repeat.
Cool, calm and collected.
Until someone needs to pee when we’re about to turn on the engine.
Powder, lipstick, dry shampoo, topknot, vest – what I live by everyday.
Six minute get ready time.
If I’m wearing mascara there must be something fancy on or I drank to much the night before and it’s left over crust.
Could be either.
Radio on loud.
Pick up a hot coffee, you deserve that.
Drown it out babes and rock your quiet five minute coffee. A good morning jam sesh in the car with a good coffee can make or break your day.
Now pat yourself square on the back.
You just did it, you got them all out of the house.
Can I get an Amen?
LISTEN: How much effort do you need to put into a ‘First Birthday Party’?