I have always been a fairly body positive person. I exercise at least two to three times a week and I’m generally quite active. I have to be with three kids.
But there was a day just recently when my “body positivity” was in stark contrast to the actual state of my fast deteriorating health.
As I walked up the hill with two friends and all our kids, half way up, I felt my chest tightening and it was becoming increasing difficult to breath. I felt like I was about to collapse.
I fell behind, but was too proud to say anything because it was me – body positive me – who was supposed to be active and healthy. I used my two-year-old son as the excuse for slowing down, until he wanted to be carried and I could barely carry myself.
One of my friends who was with me is a mum who runs, is on her feet a lot and can chase after everyone’s kids. Despite her mummy pouch and stretch marks and saggy boobs, she is stunning and what I could only wish I was – strong and healthy. She carried my son on her shoulders, all the way up.
At this instance, my body had failed me because I couldn’t be available to my child the way he needed me to be. It was at this moment I knew something needed to change. As body positive as I was, I was also unhealthy.
“Morbidly obese”: This was the shocking diagnosis from my doctor after a general check-up. She checked my blood pressure again, which had recently been consistently high while I normally had low blood pressure. This combined with my family history of type 2 diabetes, heart disease – which claimed the life of my maternal grandmother far too early, liver disease, colon cancer and dementia, put me at high risk of a very early death due to illness.
Morbidity – the condition of being diseased. It sunk in as I did the calculations of how old my children would be if I died in 20 to 25 years, due to disease caused by the combination of excess weight and the science of genetics. No amount of body positivity was going to cure this. I was dying slowly, and I needed to do something about my health because this was beyond embracing my curves, it was embracing disease.