ASK THE GROUP CHAT: 'I broke my friend's $1,000 mirror when helping her move. Now she wants me to pay.'

Ask The Group Chat is Mamamia's advice series about relationships, money, culture and everything in between where we help you solve your life dilemma with our (helpful but not entirely professional) suggestions. Welcome to the chaos. 

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Dear MM group chat,

I helped my friend move house and in the process we accidentally broke her $1,000 mirror. To be perfectly honest, I was the one who dropped it and was extremely apologetic. 

She seemed fine at the time, these things happen, but text me after asking me to pay half. But I don't have that kind of money just laying around. And I helped her move for free! What do I do?

From, Shattered. 

Dear Shattered,

Six years ago, my kind, wonderful father helped me move apartments in 37 degree heat.

I live in the inner city so it required him to dismantle furniture, load them into his van, move his van every 30-minutes (because we had limited parking) drive to my new place, take everything out of his van, move his van again (also limited parking) and rebuild all my furniture.

Remembering that he did this all for me has made me so appreciative of his time and generosity and also cemented the thought that the next time I move, I'm definitely saving up so I can afford professionals.

However, at the time of moving, I was annoyed with my dad for not going fast enough.

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I had ordered a new coffee table that was packed very well. We were both flustered and frustrated getting it open that my dad took out a switchblade and started tearing at the packaging not realising that he was also carving away at my shiny new coffee table beneath.

He was immediately filled with guilt and offered to get me a new one. I was so upset that I said yes and we then ate pizza in silence together.

A few weeks after, I realised how ridiculous this all was and told him that my coffee table is perfect and makes for a great story.

I remember reading a study about how moving houses is one of the most stressful events a person can go through — similar to the stress levels of going through a divorce.

You helping your friend move for free was such a selfless, kind gesture. Your friend definitely appreciates that, but right now, I can assure you that she is so extremely stressed out and exhausted by this move that the breaking of the mirror was probably her snapping point.

I'd take a beat and then approach her with kindness and openness.

Tell her that you understand this is a stressful time and it was tiring for you as well. You didn't mean to break her mirror and you apologised.

Be honest with her in saying that you can't afford to pay $500 for it, but maybe you can help her find a new cheaper option or get her an early housewarming gift or send her some links to other mirror options.

Show her that you care about what happened, even if you don't right now.… you will. (Yes, I know you secretly have a voice in your head telling you to say "If you can afford a $1000 mirror, then you could have afforded professional removalists to move your items.")

As someone who has listened to this voice before, don't do it. It won't help anyone and will strain your relationship. If this is the first time your friend has made a questionable request of you, the I don't believe this is coming from a place of harsh annoyance but rather a place of I'm-so-stressed-out-that-this-is-the-only-thing-I-feel-like-I-have-control-over.

Let this anxiety-inducing time wash over and then talk to her about it. Also, as a homewares enthusiast, I'd love to know what mirror this is.

Goodluck!

With kindness,

Your MM group chat xx

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Feature image: Canva.