1. Miley Cyrus responds to fans who say this photo of her body shows a “baby belly”.
It’s a tale as old as time: celebrity of baby-making age (give or take a decade either side) takes a photo. Baby-crazy public decide she’s pregnant. Celebrity of baby-making age is forced to explain she just had a big dinner, and kindly request that everyone stop looking so closely at her full stomach, because… rude.
The most recent victim is Miley Cyrus, who was forced to jump on Twitter today to clarify that the “baby bump” spotted by eagle-eyed fans in a photo from her 25th birthday was just… a large Thanksgiving meal. In her stomach. Waiting to be digested.
"RUDE!!" She wrote. "Not pregnant just eating a s***ton [sic] of tofurkey."
Miley's birthday fell on Thanksgiving this year, which appears to mean that she both got to eat a whole lot of incredible food AND be spoiled with gifts by boyfriend Liam Hemsworth (something we, personally, would also be interested in. If possible.)
Hot tip for those playing along at home: stop searching women's stomachs for signs of fertile life. It's... super weird.
2. Pixie Curtis earns more than $600 per Instagram post. She's six.
Some disheartening news for your Friday: six-year-old Pixie Curtis is earning more than the rest of us put together, just by posting on Instagram.
Pixie's mum, PR mogul Roxy Jacenko, revealed to the Daily Mail that Pixie's growing business, Pixie's Bows, is a booming success - with some clients paying more than half a grand to be featured in a post.
This morning, Jacenko posted a snap to her own Instagram story of a pile of Pixie's Bows orders ready to ship, advertising the brand's Black Friday sale.
Pixie's Bows has previously serviced famous clientele like Suri Cruise, but they're also available to ordinary people like you and me, if you're interested in purchasing one. (This isn't sponsored. Although, if someone wants to pay us $600, it certainly could be. Let's talk.)
It's clear that Pixie has become a legitimate Instagram influencer in her own right, which is a little insane, because again - and I can't emphasise this enough - SHE IS SIX YEARS OLD.
3. Sophie Monk was the gateway for Warnie to date on national TV and we are not ready.
Shut the front door.
If Warnie gets his way, you might be seeing Australia's cricketing legend continuing his quest for love on national reality TV.
But also nope. Please, god, nope.
Friend Michael Clarke outed the former bowler when asked whether Warnie would want to be the next Bachelor on Nova's Fitzy and Wippa breakfast show.
“No chance ... but there’s another show he’s been bragging on about. Love Island,” he said.
“He wants to host it ... [so] I said: ‘Host it? You wanna go on it!’”
In 2018, we are the one for love. pic.twitter.com/0g9yHp4WUH
— Channel 9 (@Channel9) October 29, 2017
For the uninitiated, Love Island is the very controversial Aussie remake of UK dating show, with Sophie Monk reportedly joining as the host, which essentially dumps a bunch of very attractive men and women on a tropical island with the primary purpose to hook up. Cool.
It's like Lord of the Flies mixed with The Bachelor but with palm trees - brutal with a hint of gushy romance... and scenic.
Just the way we like it.
4. Sarah Michelle Gellar says she's found the key to a happy marriage. The floor's yours, Sez.
There is a trick to a long and happy marriage that we're not utilising- and it took Sarah Michelle Gellar to remind us.
On the surface it might sound a bit odd, but the actress has been married to fellow actor Freddie Prinze Jr for 15 years, so she just might have a point.
Appearing on Harry TV, Gellar reasoned that: "I feel like there are certain things that should just be kept your own and they never need to know."
Food for thought for couples with the luxury of a double bathroom (*cough* maybe 0.0000001 per cent of the population) but don't stress - for those without, Gellar's other piece of marital wisdom might be more applicable.
"Maybe, possibly, a separate shopping credit card or if you are a guy, maybe a separate gaming card so I don’t have to see how much video games cost," she quipped.
5. Serena William's wedding ring is the size of some millennials' apartments.
There are two things I can’t stop staring at in this picture. The adorable child of Serena Williams (world no.1 tennis star, with impeccable shoe taste) oh and that ring.
And if you pardon how awful this must make me sound… mainly that ring.
The world number one recently got married to long-time partner Alexis Ohanian in a Beauty and the Beast themed wedding in New Orleans, where Williams showed off some very flashy kicks.
Giving fans a sneaky peak of the stunning wedding band, and engagement ring, she shared the photo on her two-month old daughter’s Instagram (@olympiaohanian) - who, by the way, already has more followers then you. The combination can be somewhat described as diamonds, on diamonds, on diamonds.
Imagine all the avocado toast and real estate you could buy with that…