The music video for Miley Cyrus’ Malibu opens with someone who 100 per cent is not Miley Cyrus.
She’s wearing all white. Her hair is in pigtails. She is seven. This person is seven years old, and someone needs to tell her parents where she is. They are looking for her.
She sings in a soft child-like voice and sways like a primary school student telling her class a story that doesn't quite make sense.
Moments later, she's running along a beach in a bikini and it soon becomes clear that this very well could be Miley Cyrus... but now, she only wears white. Because virginal. But also innocence.
Miley Cyrus has had a complete makeover and we're confused.
She literally personifies the Madonna-whore myth - the trope that divides women into two mutually exclusive groups: the virginal Madonnas and the sexually corrupt whores.
Now Miley's engaged, she prances along beaches and swims in the waves. She's saintly and pure and... super infantalised.
When she was single, she twerked. She simulated sex acts on a giant foam finger. There are only two ways to exist as a woman, and she already tried this one:
So now it's time to sit among flowers in frilly white clothing.
But this new Miley is having trouble deciding whether she's hot or cold, and the weather keeps changing. So in two separate shots, she wearing a jumper with no pants, and a bikini top with pants. Together, they would make a complete outfit, but alone, they do not.
PAUSE. STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING.