Being tired from sleeping too much. And other absurdly middle-class problems.

So many day-ruiners.

Yesterday I heard a heart-breaking story. A woman, a mother, a friend (of a colleague) had lost something close to her, er, wrist.

A Fitbit.

Or rather, ANOTHER Fitbit.

A second of those slim, stylish devices had accidentally met it’s end in this good lady’s washing machine and would never count another step. Vale, Fitbit 2.0.

Yes, there will be other Fitbits, but the issue is BIGGER than that. The middle-classes continue to suffer mild inconveniences and niggling annoyances such as this on a daily basis.

Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the bourgeoisie??!

Like the time my Cavoodle broke into my bedroom and ate my entire bag of pepitas. I’m still not quite sure how I got over it to be honest with you. I was certainly light on snacks that week.

TFW you cut an avocado that’s not quite ripe yet.

Trying to wrestle free of the pepita-grief again threatening to overpower me (thanks, Fitbit lady), I reached out to my workmates for solidarity and discovered that I was not alone. They too had many distressing, privileged frustrations.

Here’s just a few:

When you put perfume on in winter and the cold spray gives you goosebumps on your neck.

When Coles is out of Fromager d’Affinois! (Which I have been assured it the best brie ever offered by the Australian supermarket duopoly).

When I’m tired from sleeping too much.

They ran out of vegan coconut yoghurt for my dinner, so I had to eat Kale puree. COULD THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE? Ugh.

When the slice of lemon in my Lorna Jane bottle gets stuck.

My $4.50 latte came without a lid this morning and I spilled it down my jacket.

Sometimes I don’t cut my bagels thin enough and I can’t toast them in my toaster.

When the shower taps only have a one millimetre difference between too hot and not hot enough.

When my cat doesn’t appreciate the home shopping channel as much I do.

When your .gif goes fuzzy because you have to reduce it’s file size so much. Just kill me, basically.

I bought an avocado that I thought was ready to eat but when I cut it it was very hard still. Now I have no avocado for my toast.

When it’s pouring outside so the delivery guy from Miss Chu takes too long and my food gets cold.

When you have to update to latest IOS to play a new game on iPhone.

When my phone storage is full and I have to delete some brunch photos before I can take more brunch photos.

Turns out we’re not the only one with middle-class complaints either. There is an entire first world FULL or exasperated kale-munchers.

One of them even started a Twitter account just so their suffering wouldn’t go unheard.


Want more like this? Try these:

12 completely standard food items that no one can afford anymore.

‘Now my dog can’t even get a bone? That’s it, Paleo. I’m DONE WITH YOU.’

The 8 most heartbreaking, first world food problems ever.