Your 30s are so much more than the pieces of your life falling into place.

Your mid-thirties are when life just makes sense, when all the pieces fall into place, when you feel confident in who you are. That’s what I was told in my twenties. I looked forward to being ‘adult’. While it is kind of true, there are so many more things that happen in your 30s than just life falling into place.

1. Parties are not what they used to be.

Throwing a party in your twenties meant figuring out how much alcohol to put in the punch. In your thirties, a party with your friends is a three course meal.

2. Mo’ creases.

There will come a morning where you catch your reflection in the mirror and notice those things that people talked about in your 20s but you paid no attention to. Wrinkles. Creases around the eyes. Laugh lines. Don’t worry, all it means is you get to spend far more money on pampering yourself.

The time has come to pamper. Image via iStock.

3. Metabolism…what’s that again?

Remember when you were a teen and you ate a Big Mac meal with large fries and a large coke, 12 pack chicken nuggets with two BBQ sauces, an apple pie and a sundae? Then the next day, you didn’t even put on 100 grams. Yeah, those days of a high metabolism are over my friend. If you are ever able to go back in time, tell yourself to have two sundaes.

4. “I can barely hear myself think, much less talk.”

Yes, you have become the nanna in the bar complaining about the music.

Too loud to hear? Sayonara. Image via Giphy.

5. You no longer show off your trampoline skills to your nieces.

Three words: Light Bladder Leakage. Let me guess, you also worry about laughing too hard, or working out? You’re not the only one. However, in your thirties you have more important things to worry about it, so grab a really absorbent Poise liner and bounce around. Don’t be afraid to show off those mad skills.

6. Big Night Out.

Getting home at four am, waking at seven am, throwing on some makeup and clothes, drinking two glasses of water with a multivitamin, able to work a full day of work. That was then. Now it takes at least three days to recover from a hangover, which is made far worse because your children scream… really loudly. Oh, and big night out is in bed by midnight.

Mid-Thirties recovery: three days and a whole lot of Netflix. Image via iStock.

7. Neighbour’s party.

You’re on the phone to the police at 12:01am complaining that your neighbour is being too loud. In your twenties, you probably would’ve had serious FOMO when you weren’t invited.

8. Budgeting.

You have an actual excel spreadsheet which outlines all of your expenses each month and your savings plan. Sometimes, you work on it on a Saturday night (because your neighbour is having another party).

Your new Saturday night. Image via iStock.

9. You’re a responsible drinker.

You say “no” to the third drink. Not because you don’t want to spend the next three days hating life as you recover from a hangover, but because you know you need to be able to get up when the baby cries at 3am for their dummy. Party animal.

10. You decide you’re too old to do Zumba.

Not because your coordination is terrible, but because you hobble around like an 80-year-old.

11. Wine no longer comes in a box.

Sophisticated.

12. You can no longer make it through a movie without falling asleep.

It’s the baby’s fault.

13. Just call me “Jamie Oliver”.

Now that you can officially make toast without burning it, you don your apron (yes, you have an apron) and nail a 30-minute Jamie Oliver meal. Except it takes you 90 minutes, is burnt and you just have toast in the end.

14. You start a family.

The best bit about being in your 30s.

What did you not expect once you hit your mid-thirties?