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We are but two episodes in to the newest season of Married at First Sight, and viewers have been taken on one heck of a ride already.
They’ve found themselves in undeniable thirst for one bride’s brother, felt the wrath of a terrifying father and almost straight-up died of second-hand embarrassment during the most horrific best man speech most of us have ever heard.
And that was all at one couple’s wedding
We’re of course talking about the train wreck of a reception that took place after Jessika and Mick’s fake TV wedding, in which Mick’s best man decided to up and tell a story about “that time he went to a bar and took Viagra”.
Because, yes, we all have a story like that.
The punchline? He eventually found himself in a room having “made a tent over himself” where he proceeded to furiously masturbate and good lord most children are still awake at this time.
Look – we know a best man’s speech by an intoxicated man named Broxy is headed in the wrong direction when it starts with “Mick’s a top bloke but ah…”
The translation of “top bloke” in this sort of situation clearly equals something in the same family as “likes his beers with a side of Viagra.”
Suffice to say: it was… excruciating.
Jessika’s brother wasn’t having a bar of it… and neither was the internet.
Here are Twitter’s best reactions:
Just to let everyone know, Mick’s best man is available for corporate motivational speaking gigs if anyone is interested….I believe his fee is two long necks and chiko roll #MAFS
— Colonel Kickhead (@colonelkickhead) January 29, 2019
As I see it, Mick and Jess’ wedding reception only ends one way:
Broxy and Rhyce, both high on champagne and viagra, bare-knuckle boxing in the beautifully decorated garden while the wedding guests jeer them on and place bets.#MAFS
— Jake Watt (@JakeChatty) January 29, 2019