reality tv

Inside the strangely popular theory that Michelle Payne is currently performing on The Masked Singer.

The biopic Ride Like a Girl, which charts jockey Michelle Payne’s rise to Melbourne Cup victory in 2015, is the highest grossing Australian film of the year to date.

And that can only mean one thing.

That our Michelle is on The Masked SingerPerforming as Monster, obviously. Because the Monster likes horses and so. does. MICHELLE.

The theory has taken over. It’s all anyone is Googling. The people believe in their hearts that Michelle – the first woman in history to win the Melbourne Cup – has decided that she best dress up as a pink monster with blue spots but also one eye and two green horns and sing ‘I Want To Know What Love Is’ by Foreigner.

Watch Michelle winning the Melbourne Cup. Post continues after video.

Video by Nine

There are some compelling clues.

We know Monster has had experience with horses and GODDAMMIT what more do we need.

Monster has also dealt with “heavy material” from an early age, which could refer to the loss of Michelle’s mother when she was just six months old.

There has also been a reference to Monster being “first past the post”, and we’re not sure if we’ve mentioned this but Michelle was first past the post that time she won the Melbourne Cup. 

Then there was the clue that Monster is “a little bit country and a little bit glam,” which could speak to Michelle’s upbringing in Ballarat, and also her immersion into the world of horse racing, which involves fancy hats and whatnot.

A real clincher for many viewers was when she said, “In my industry height isn’t super important but weight is.”

In horse racing you get weighed but not measured and if that dancing ball isn’t Michelle Payne we’ll eat our…

But the clue that has stumped viewers the most refers to the number 31.

You see, the number was highlighted last week, suggesting that perhaps Monster did something significant at the age of 31.

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DID MICHELLE WIN THE MELBOURNE CUP WHEN SHE WAS….

No.

No she did not.

She won the Melbourne Cup in 2015, at 30 years old.

Michelle’s win at the Melbourne cup inspired the new Aussie film Ride Like A Girl. Mia Freedman chats to the film’s director, Rachel Griffiths, on the No Filter podcast.  Post continues after podcast. 

And there are a number of other clues that don’t make sense.

The allusion to science doesn’t fit with Michelle unless she privately collects test tubes.

Monster also calls herself a “shape-shifter” which feels irrelevant.

Look.

We don’t want to upset anyone, but there is no way Michelle Payne is on The Masked Singer, as much as we would like those two worlds to collide.

Monster is obviously Gorgi Coghlan.

For starters, we know Monster is a fair bit taller than Michelle, at least 10 centimetres. That fits with Gorgi perfectly.

Gorgi grew up on a sheep farm in a place called Warrnambool in Victoria, and is part country part glam given her role on television show The Project. 

And. I’m. Not. DONE.

Gorgi has a Graduate Diploma in Secondary Education specialising in science, as well as a Bachelor in Science.

She deals with “heavy material” as a journalist, and loves riding horses, as evidenced by her Instagram account.

But it’s the number 31 that ties it all together.

One of Gorgi’s first jobs was for the community television station Channel 31 in Melbourne, where she worked as a reporter.

With that said there are a few holes we’re still struggling with.

What’s with the “first past the post” clue? And also, is weight more important in the television industry than height? Perhaps. Seems a stretch.

Point is, our money is on Gorgi, as much as we’d love to learn that Michelle Payne is low-key a really, really good singer.

Are you convinced Gorgi is Monster on The Masked Singer? Let us know in the comments below. 

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