Whenever I come to work, I can always tell the difference between my co-workers at Mamamia who have kids and those who don’t. Instantly. The ones who don’t usually come in looking well rested and carrying a takeaway coffee. Their hair is brushed. They appear bright eyed and ready to face the day.
The mothers are another story.
They – we – arrive as though we’ve already lived 1000 lives before our workday even begins because we have. WE HAVE.
It’s not like I don’t remember when the biggest drama pre-work was when the outfit I’d planned in my head looked a bit rubbish when I put it on my body. CRISIS. Yes. A first-world crisis.
But that was literally decades ago. Almost two decades since the only person I had to feed, clothe and co-ordinate in the morning was myself.
The number of variables that can go wrong in the morning multiply with each child and with each activity they do.
“Where are my soccer boots?”
“I can’t find my cricket bat!”
“Have you lost your drink bottle AGAIN?”
“Don’t forget your clarinet!”
“Mum, I can’t find my clarinet!”
“Can’t anyone put their cereal bowl in the dishwasher?”
“My ponytail is too messy! I hate my hair!”
“I hate apples! Why do I have to have them for recess?”
“Has anyone thrown the ball for the dog? WHY NOT!”
“Where’s my phone? Who has been playing on it?”
“You have to sign my homework log!”
“You have to sign my reading log!”
“I need money for the walkathon!”
“It’s silly hat day and I don’t have a silly hat!”
“It’s the last day to send in my permission form for camp!”
“I don’t want to go to after-care!”
“Why can’t I have a lunch order like my friends?”
“One of the dogs has weed in the lounge room.”
“Where are my keys?”
“I can’t find any socks”
Rinse. Repeat. For approximately 15 more years!
And that’s before we even get into the car. I have never been a morning person and I assumed that would change once I had kids and was forced to become one but no. Nope. Nup. Not.
I still don’t function all that well in the mornings. It’s not my peak time. On reflection, I reckon my peak time is around 6-7.30pm. I’m great then.