Comedian and radio personality Meshel Laurie is a recently single mother of two contemplating getting back into the dating scene.
But how does she get back into the singles scene and what are the Tinder rules for those in their 40s?
For her Nitty Gritty Committee podcast, Meshel chats to her friend – fellow divorced comedian and radio lady George McEncroe who met her new partner on the popular dating app for advice.
George warns, sleeping with guys in their 30s, or younger, comes with its own issues.
“The problem with them though is, as much energy as some of these guys had, they weren’t good on taking instruction and they’d seen a lot of pornography and you have to do quite a bit of re-education,” she told Meshel.
When asked about her first time having sex with someone other than her husband, George says: “I’d like to say it was traumatic, but it actually wasn’t – it was really good.”
“It was a physical release. It was really, really, absolutely fantastic. And it reminded me that I wasn’t his, I was mine. And I was in charge of this, I felt completely in control of this, and it was really great.”
But Meshel – who is separated from her husband of almost 20 years – says she “just can’t imagine doing that”.
On being separated, she says: “It’s incredibly lonely, isn’t it?”
“Even in a bad relationship, there is a sense of belonging, or a sense of being a part of something and when that relationship’s over I do feel sort of like a kite that’s no one’s holding the string on. I’m just kind of flying around in the air alone.”
“The reason I jumped on Tinder so early is because I thought, ‘I need a confidence boost here’. My self-esteem is pretty low at the moment, I’m feeling rejection and feeling like someone’s fallen out of love with me and doesn’t want to be with me anymore. And that’s so painful. I thought Tinder would help that, but it didn’t. I’m actually just not ready to take that chance yet.”
George said she thinks it takes about a year to be brave enough to get back out into the dating scene.
But warns it’s far from smooth sailing.
Her advice for navigating the terrifying world of Tinder?
“If I have a window, I would line up three Tinder dates and I would devote 45 minutes and not a second more to three different gentlemen. I’m not here to fuck about, I don’t have the time,” she says.
“If he doesn’t ask you any questions, cock. If he can’t account for why he is where he is, cock. If he doesn’t ask you anything about your children and how they’ve coped with the separation, cock. These are the things that you really need to know.”
But Meshel – the mother of six-year-old twins – wasn’t convinced, saying she thinks Tinder isn’t for her.
“I think I just have to stick with the natural walking around world and hope that magic happens again in my life,” she says.
You can listen to the full episode here.