How does one process and accept their husband moving on with a new partner after 17 years together and two kids, only seven months since separation?
I am the one who ended it. I am the one who tried and begged for him to work on himself and us. I had little joy in the relationship in the last two years, and he was a lot of work. I didn’t get much back in return. I wasn’t appreciated and celebrated. He was depressed and needed to do counselling but refused to go.
We were friends for 17 years before we got together, so our friendship was always a huge part of our relationship.
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We laughed so much, we were into the same things, we really got each other.
But to not work on himself and just move on to someone new, I’m SO hurt. I keep crying, but I also feel like - what do I expect? I ended it, not him. When he recently asked me to look after his cat (and the kids) for five days so he could go stay with her, I got angry with him.
I said, “How can you ask me to do that?”. I was crying. His answer was: “I don’t see what the problem is, you broke up with me, you don’t want to be with me anymore, so why do you care if I’m with someone else?”. I was speechless.
How can I care?! I’m devastated.
The new partner is a friend of one of our friends - so kind of in our friendship group. And now she gets the best bits of him I had in the beginning. His humour, charm, romantic gestures, affection. And I am left with a load of weird guys on dating apps. Let's face it – the women are better catches than the men most of the time.
It feels as if by him moving on with someone else he has just erased our whole life together. 17 years of joy, laughter, struggles, children, holidays and family get together’s with our wonderful brothers and sisters and their children.
Gone. Clean slate. New woman.
I am still grieving and trying to process my new life, and I am not ready to give myself physically or emotionally to anyone else right now. I need time to be with myself and work on myself. Him, not so much. My friends keep telling me not to worry as he will not change and someone else can now deal with him, I am free of him.