- If you’re eating right now — especially broccoli or eggs — we advise you very strongly to put it down before reading this.
What you’re about to read is the ultimate period-related horror story. No, we’re not talking about an awkward blood stain on your favourite white pants, or having a tampon string wriggle out of your bikini bottoms during a day at the beach — this will actually put your gag reflex to the test.
Remember the time that woman left her contact lenses in for six months and had her eyeballs eaten by microscopic bugs? This story is about a million times more revolting but also a very effective cautionary tale against leaving your menstrual cup in too long (for the uninitiated, this is what a menstrual cup is).
Okay, so now we’ve issued that warning, let us begin. An unfortunate Redditor called Uterinestench — yes, you can see where this is going — posted her story to the “Today I F*cked Up” subreddit (H/T to Jezebel for subsequently bringing it to our attention).
It started out like a Mills and Boon novel — she and her boyfriend were lying under the stars, spending their last night together before he jetted off overseas for a few months. Things were getting hot and heavy, and then this happened:
“There’s something inside you,” he said.
“There’s nothing, don’t stop,” I replied, uneasily.
“No, there’s something inside you. It feels plastic.”
Horror chills my veins. It had been about two weeks since my period. But I knew then that I had left my menstrual cup (basically a plastic cup for blood/period gunk not to be left in longer than 12 hours) in for the past 14 days.”
Leaving a tampon in overnight is bad enough. But… two whole weeks? And what if Uterine’s significant other hadn’t been exploring the region — how long would that cup have stayed up there? Brace yourself for this next part:
“IDIOTICALLY, I asked him to help me remove it so we could continue. MOTHER OF GOD… it smelled like an eviscerated decomposing body mixed with rotting broccoli, sewage, and rotting eggs ALL IN ONE. And the smell DID NOT GO AWAY. I threw out the cup and its contents, but the stench of 14-day-old rotting blood and uterine gunk is not one that fades easily. I could tell my squeamish boyfriend was trying extremely hard not to lose his shit and vomit. But it only got worse from there.”
She’s not kidding. Seriously. This tender love story does not have a happy ending for either party:
“The stench would not leave, and it was coming from my vagina. To try and bring the mood back, I went to the bathroom to try and freshen up. He joined me, perhaps to make me feel less disgusting. Bad idea. With a feeling like an impending queef but somehow thicker, my vagina suddenly emptied a massive glob of this filth and it splattered a surprisingly large amount of brown rotted uterine filth all over my poor boyfriend’s leg… He practically ran home.”
Oh Uterinestench, you poor unfortunate soul.
So… yep. Moral of the story — always take out your cup (or your tampon) after eight hours, for obvious health (and, um, dignity) reasons.
Do you have any period horror stories?
After that ordeal, we think you’ll appreciate this video: