The Melbourne Cup is next week, but you DGAF about horse racing, or you oppose gambling, or you detest sports that use animals. So you want to say no when you’re invited to do something on the day, right?
BUT, let me ask you; are your principles, ethics, (and finances) really worth the risk of the crippling case of FOMO you will 100% experience wearing your trackies alone in your living room as the entire nation dresses up, drinks, and stuffs its face?
Lol, of course not.
Try to think of it this way: contrary to popular belief, Melbourne Cup is not “the race that stops the nation”; it’s the lunch that stops the nation. It’s about the other people you share the day with. And food. And booze. And fashun. It’s a public holiday in Victoria, and guess what else gets the day off? Political correctness, decorum, and hydration.
Which is why Melbourne Cup is an Aussie tradition way more sacred than the Queen's birthday. So here are some très helpful suggestions so you can Melbourne Cup without a conscience:
Forget the horses: most of us stop speaking for about three minutes out of the entire day, and watch some horses galloping around in a circle. If ours wins, we'll post a photo of the moment with the caption "#winnerwinnerchickendinner" and that's the extent of our involvement with animals.
But if you can't even bare that for a few minutes, when the race starts, think about how hungry all the jockeys must be...which will lead to you realising you need a bucket of hot chips immediately...and voilà, any crisis of conscience will instantly disappear.