Image: They make it look so easy…
So recently, my pal Aaron sent out an email to our group of friends. I refer to this particular group as the puppy pile, as we’re rather like a lovingly misshapen and benign gang; we move, as it were, en masse.
Which is great for me—and specifically for my brain—since I actually kind of hate being alone. It’s all well and good if I wake up on a particular day and think to myself, ‘Mmmm a jar of Nutella and my new sci-fi book is what I am about tonight!’ I take a long bath and pick at my face in the mirror. I reorganise weird cosmetics bags or sweep my floor of its carnivorous dust bunnies. I edit photographs and listen to the same 25 Ani DiFranco and Regina Spektor songs I’ve listened to since I was 15. If I want to be alone, I get weird with myself and generally keep busy.
It’s when I’m not planning on being alone that things start to get ugly. It is a combination of FOMO (a neurosis that Mindy Kaling lives as a brand) and a belief that I am rather badly wired. I’ll be making some coffee in the morning when my roommates have left for their respective jobs, and suddenly my brain starts firing off things like this:
Ouch! This water is hot, I nearly burned my damn hand. Man, burn victims. How awful, all that pain, all that scarring. What would it be like to become instantly and irrevocably mutilated? What is it like to see your best friend’s face burst into your hospital room, her face ashen. She instantly starts crying and saying she’s sorry. And you’re thinking, well, nobody’s more sorry than me. Will anybody even kiss me again?
And how crazy is it that someone right now—instead of curling up to read the news with coffee on an ugly (if exceedingly comfortable) sofa—is being beaten, raped, humiliated, heart-broken; shot with intravenous drugs; orgasming in throaty screams; divorcing their parents; adopting a son; floating in the Dead Sea; defying their ancestors; christened, slaughtered, worshipped, and denigrated.
Katie may not love it, but these celebrities are reportedly obsessed with meditation (post continues after gallery).