There are two things that happened this week that have jammed up my News Feed. The first was Robbie Williams was in town and everyone who has a remotely important job in media, social media, or some digital platform had their selfie snapped with him and shared it, all at the same time. The second is that the ARIAs happened. Or rather, The Veronicas happened to the ARIAs.
I’ve known Jess and Lisa for a number of years. The exact number I wish to keep a secret for fear of exposing our real ages. What Jess and Lisa do, they do on their own terms and they do with integrity. So I know for the fact that performing with their tops off was what they wanted to do and good on them.
If I had boobs that great, I would get around with my top off much more regularly that the occasional nude lunch at home with my fiancé.
Here is a moment-by-moment account of what happened in my brain during their performance of “In My Blood”.
- Lisa is definitely on the left, wait is that Jess, oh it’s so difficult to tell.
- I wonder where their mum Colleen is watching the performance, side of stage maybe?
- Is that their dressing room, with a huge mirror like that, that makes sense?
- I’m sure that wherever Colleen is she has her tiny fingers and toes crossed that it all goes well.
- Where do I get me one of those red trenches? It’s so ’90s vinyl, plastic and fantastic, but geez they must be really hot with all the lights and all that trench.
- It must have been really hot in those trench coats, it makes perfect sense to take them off and drop them on their dressing room floor.
- Classic ARIAs, using a smoke machine for that mystifying effect. Good one ARIAs.
- Wow, cool glitter tops, I didn’t know that turtlenecks were back …
- WAIT A SECOND. OMG. WAIT. WTF. GLITTER. BOOBS. TOPLESS. SOMEBODY TELL COLLEEN HER GIRLS AREN’T WEARING TOPS.
- Maybe that technically is a top, a glitter top, a glop, maybe is so ahead of the trend that I can’t wrap my head around it? Do they come in one-size fits all because The Veronicas are really tiny IRL (all with my head tilted on the side).
- At least they’re wearing pants.
- Who’s job is it to smother glitter on The Veronicas? Probably Ruby Rose’s. But seriously, do they jump in a bucket of the stuff or roll in a bath of it? Is it sprayed on with a glitter canon? And how do they get it off?
- I really hope they don’t have an all nighter and forget to take their makeup off because that will leave a right royal mess on the sheets. And there is nothing worse than glitter on your sheets, just ask Richard Reid after Mardi Gras.
What did you think of The Veronicas' performance? Let us know in the comments below...