sex

How to ACTUALLY start a conversation about masturbation with your mates.

Masturbation can be a tricky topic of conversation, even with your best friends. 

We confide in them about our relationship troubles, family issues and terrible (or amazing) first dates. But sometimes, the wonderful world of masturbation can feel a wee bit too awkward. 

Watch: How are women having sex? The juiciest results from the Mamamia Sex Survey. Post continues after video.


Video via Mamamia.

Some of us have never talked about masturbation with our friends, or trusted confidantes. Which is TOTALLY fine. However, if you're looking to have deeper chats with your mates, the Mamamia team has compiled a list of ways to slide into the *sometimes* uncomfortable realm of pleasure-talk.

First, let's get the facts straight.

There is no shame in masturbating multiple times a day, once a week, or not at all. For some of us, it is the cornerstone of pleasure, and for others, it's not something we find much interest in.

In Mamamia's epic sex survey, 15 per cent of people said they masturbate either once a week, once a fortnight or two times a week. 12 per cent admitted they masturbate three to six times a week. 

9.8 per cent of people revealed they rarely, if ever, masturbate.  

Mamamia Sex Survey. Image: Mamamia.

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Unfortunately, there are negative links to the taboo of masturbation and talking about it. 

Studies show women are less likely to enjoy sexual pleasure by themselves due to the 'stigma and ridicule' associated with female sexuality. It may be a hard pill to swallow, but in some cases speaking openly with those you trust about pleasure can help breakdown behaviours we have long associated with shame and guilt.

Talk about your first time masturbating. 

It is no secret that sexual-related discussions carry a heavy weight of vulnerability. For a lot of us, we feel rejection, humiliation or embarrassment - but that doesn't mean we shouldn't shy away from topics that make us feel this way.

"My girlfriends and I have never spoken about it. These are friends I went to high school with. I don't know if it is a generational thing, or if we are just prudes."

Studies tell us that those who are open about sexually charged topics of discussions, including masturbation, are more likely to achieve the big-O. 

Even more so, communication between partners, friends or loved ones is directly linked to sexual satisfaction. That's right -  creating safe spaces where you are able to openly talk about masturbation can mean, in the long run, you're having better orgasms and enjoying the journey to get there that much more. 

"I literally talk about it all the time with my friends and we trade new sex toy tips."

Talking to your friends about your first masturbation experience, or the first time you even thought about sexual pleasure, makes you realise that whatever embarrassing story you have - no matter how young or old - you are quite literally never alone.

Mamamia Sex Survey. Image: Mamamia.

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Talk about turn-ons, kinks and your embarrassing stories. 

Everyoneand we mean everyone, has their own embarrassing masturbation tale - and they can be the ultimate ice-breakers for pleasure-filled talk. 

Who is your sexy celebrity crush and what makes them so desirable? What type of porn do you watch? What really gets you off? All of these questions, in a judgement-free zone, and can be used to fuel conversations about masturbation.

Nothing can be off limits, and you never know - you may walk away with a new fantasy to think about during alone time. 

"My girl group of best friends (who I had known from kindergarten) discussed things like, what was and wasn't deemed taboo and then one of my friends brought up the topic of porn and I remember we all just looked up at each other and were like 'oh s**t we're doing this'. We started off sussing each other out like 'Oh you do that? Same actually...' We ended up literally spilling the beans about everything: masturbation, watching porn, fantasies, the LOT."

Mamamia Sex Survey. Image: Mamamia.

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Remember, masturbation is supposed to be fun. 

While some of us don't necessarily enjoy pleasing ourselves, a majority do. And the journey to O-town is a process we love as well. 

Don't be too hard on yourself, go into each experience with an open mind and a willingness to learn something new about your body each time. Ask your friends for advice, their favourite sex toys and think about what really helps you achieve an orgasm. 

"The first time I brought it up with my friends I was 12 years old and asked them if they’d ever done it before, they called me gross. From then on, I associated it with shame and guilt - until I realised those conversations remove stigma, and give a middle finger to yet another thing for women to be shamed about."

Do you like to be touched a certain way? Can you only get off with toys? Does reaching climax become easier or more difficult when someone else is in the room? Do you have a favourite position to be in? 

Listen to Sealed Section, where Psycho-Sexologist Chantelle Otten answers all your sex and relationship questions...big and small. Post continues after audio.


Each answer can be different from your mates, but just keep in mind that masturbation chat is supposed to be something we all enjoy - so if you don't think your friend is into it, then maybe leave it alone.

But if your mates don't want to chat to you about getting off - we do! Don't be shy, share your stories with us in the comments below. 

Feature Image: Broad City + Mamamia.