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A ranking of The Masked Singer costumes by how much they'll appear in our GODDAMN NIGHTMARES.

Just when we thought 2020 couldn't get any more worrying, Channel 10 put an Australian celebrity inside an oversized ventriloquist puppet costume.

The Masked Singer returns next week, which means weeks of being haunted by terrifying, singing monsters. It sounds like something out of a low-budget horror movie, and we'll definitely still be watching. 

We haven't even see the inaccurately coloured sloth and cactus with... breasts sing yet, but all the harm has already been done by the 1000 The Masked Singer ads that air during precisely every break on Channel 10.

Some of the masks which will have us cowering in our own homes come next week. Post continues below video.


Video via Channel 10.

Here is a definitive ranking of the abominations based on how much they will haunt our dreams.

12. Goldfish.

Image: Channel 10. 

Goldfish looks like she'd date Will Smith in Shark Tale and we're not mad about it. Consider her a safe space.

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Image: Dreamworks. 

11. Frillneck.

Image: Channel 10. 

I feel like Frillneck wants to be scarier than it is. Idk, just something about the frill reminds me of Elizabethan-era portraits. 

Where is the difference? 

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10. Sloth.

Sloth will pop up in a dream that is just a little weird, yet not a full-blown nightmare. Like, it will just be staring at you and waving from a window. Not threateningly, but it will be a bit... unnerving.

9. Kitten.

Image: Channel 10. 

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Kitten is real cute. But I know all too well that cats are, at their core, a little bit evil. That's why I love them so much.

Your nightmare would definitely involve Kitten making horrific noises at 3am after filling your home with sparkly, wide-eyed mice as "gifts".

8. Bushranger.

Image: Channel 10. 

Glittery Ned Kelly. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

7. Echidna.

Image: Channel 10. 

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Of the greatest concern is why Echidna is an animal/human hybrid.

Every other costume is a full body suit, but Echidna from the neck down has been dressed like any mid-30s man hoping to look hip and young for the clubs. Ironically, this lessens the creep factor.

Echidna's eyes show he is dead inside, which I guess also fits the characterisation.

6. Cactus. 

Image: Channel 10. 

I think I speak for all of us when I say, we will never look at our cactus' the same again.

Apologies, but tonight you will dream of your unsuspecting indoor plant coming to life and sprouting... boobs.

 

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5. Hammerhead. 

Image: Channel 10. 

Hammerhead is unique in that it is less scary than the real thing. If all sharks swam around with a high vis vest and a cute little tool belt, maybe they'd be less misunderstood.

But its eyes are still that far apart, which is a trait that will mean murky water-based nightmares for the foreseeable future.

4. Dragonfly.

Image: Channel 10. 

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In real life, dragonflies are one of the lesser-scary insects because they just fly on by. You never stop to get a good look at their face.

Now that a dragonfly face has been magnified into... Dragonfly, I'm going to have a hard time getting near any sort of pond or lake ever again.

Absolutely not. 

Those fangs are... a lot to take in.

3. Wizard.

Image: Channel 10. 

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Wizard is actually a disillusioned Dumbledore, who got tired of trying to save the wizarding world so he moved to Byron Bay, went on a shrooms hunt, got lost in the bush for a little too... long and developed hypothermia.

He didn't even use magic to help himself, leaving the rest of us to succumb to an evil guy without a nose. Thanks for nothing, professor.

2. Queen.

Image: Channel 10. 

WHY IS HER NECK SO LONG?

WHERE ARE HER PUPILS?

HER DRESS IS THAT BIG BECAUSE IT'S WHERE SHE HIDES ALL HER VICTIMS, ALLEGEDLY.

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1. Puppet.

Image: Channel 10. 

Genuinely can't find the words for this. I'm shaking. 

*SCREAMS FOR ALL OF ETERNITY* 

It's probably safest to never close your eyes ever again.

The Masked Singer premieres Monday, August 10 on Channel 10.

Feature image: Channel 10.

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