This is an extremely hard piece for me to write, but I think it’s safe to assume I’m not the only person who has been faced with this dilemma.
I used to have a dear friend. She was energetic, independent, and lively. She paid her bills on her own, she saved her money, she needed no one to get shit done. She was the kind of person you wanted to be around, all the time. She laughed hard and full.
She had a light around her before.
But she met this man, who none of her friends ever felt comfortable around. He had a sense of uneasiness about him. We found out after two years of them dating that he’s been married to someone else the whole time. Our friend was the mistress and she had no idea. She was destroyed. She barely got out of bed for weeks, and we couldn’t blame her. Her whole life went up in smoke.
What is the difference between an emotional and physical affair? Post continues after video.
But then, she forgave him. They fought non-stop after that, and still, she stayed.
And when he became a father and started raising a child with his wife, she stayed. She found out she wasn’t the only ‘girlfriend’ through social media. Even then, she stayed.
She lost all of her friends, through all the drama and emotional exhaustion of trying to convince her to leave when the abuse wasn’t just emotional anymore.
He’s divorced now (we assume, since he put a ring on my old friend) but knowing the man, I can’t even say this with 100 per cent confidence.
And so she’s engaged now. She’s planning a wedding. She’s promoting it all over her Facebook. She’s talking about how expensive the ring is.
And we’re all in disbelief that after so many years, she’s going to marry him.
I cannot judge her. I did for so long, and it made me feel worse about myself. So now, I’m trying to be open and see things from her perspective. I’m assuming she is doing only what feels right to her after spending so many years with him. I get it (kind of).
That feeling of helplessness, of starting over after a long relationship – it’s terrifying.
But still, after hearing her engagement announcement, I felt a pain in my chest.