Firstly, let us just begin by saying we love Married At First Sight. Love it. This show has given us life.
Call us sadistic, but there’s something so deeply satisfying about watching other people stir up unnecessary drama and ruin their relationships. Pass the popcorn, and season it with schaffensfreude.
Sure, there have been times when it’s been awkward as hell to watch. We’ve literally felt our whole body shrivel up and cringe every time Nasser talks about voodoo, or Dean raps, or… does pretty much anything. You could play a drinking game called, “Take a shot every time Davina denies responsibility for something.”
But even though we may watch from in between our fingers occasionally, one thing Married At First Sight has never been is boring. Until now.
Sunday night's episode was... underwhelming. We've gotten more enjoyment out of staring at beige walls for really, really long periods of time. Nothing. Happened.
We've literally gone from the excitement of Dean and Davina's textin' scandal to, well... predictable exits.
Sunday night's episode saw Nasser and Gab FINALLY call it quits, and frankly thank God because they were suffering. Also, Nasser may be secretly married with kids, as well as potentially possessed by a ghost and/or demon, so best he get off TV and douse himself in holy water, stat.
Also leaving the show were Carly and Justin, though we can't entirely remember who they are. Justin... works a lot? Is that why we never see him?
We think we speak for everyone when we say these two couples should have left weeks ago.
We don't know if they were trying to torture each other by sticking it out, but in the end, they just ended up torturing us, and we'll never be able to forgive them for it.
LISTEN: And the voice of Married At First Sight is… Post continues below.
We never thought we'd say this, but all of our hopes for the rest of this series now hang on Troy.
Yes, Troy. After such a strong season, we're hoping the weirdo we never wanted, but clearly needed will be able to turn things around. Maybe he will cook some more obscenely runny eggs, give another creepy massage, do that weird kissing (???) thing he does with his mouth, or just be disturbing in general.
But we are here for it.
Without Troy, all we have is Dean, and the rap career that will never be.
God speed, Troy. The fate of this season's Married At First Sight rests in your creepy little hands.