Telv and Sarah are fighting again and Telv isn’t wearing any pants which makes it hard to take any of this as seriously as we know we should.
A producer asks Sarah whether they’d like to have a session with one of the experts which sounds like literally the only thing that could make this situation worse.
Sarah agrees because she’s really desperate for Telv to put on some pants, and he’s more likely to do so in front of John Aiken.
Speaking of fake experts, Trish has told Justin and Carly that in order to develop feelings for one another they have to send ‘sixy tixts’. That’s the rule. But they also have to go lingerie shopping, to spice up the sex life that they both hate.
Carly is definitely sick of Justin’s shit. We discuss on tonight’s episode of our Married at First Sight recap podcast. Post continues below.
Justin goes on his own which we’re fairly certain wasn’t the… point, and meets a nice shop assistant named Irene, with whom he develops more chemistry with in the space of 20 minutes than he has with Carly this entire season.
While Justin is shopping, Carly sends him a sixy tixt asking if he’s wearing underwear because ‘maybe you shouldn’t be’ and no..
Justin is around ice cream a great deal, and he can’t be free-balling because it’s unhygienic and his penis could get into the ice cream which would be a shame for everyone but also bad for business.
He, of course, reads the text out loud to Irene which seems inappropriate and disrespectful, but then something catches his eye.
It's mesh clothing and male g-strings which we never ONCE heard Trish mention in her homework and are certainly not intended to be worn by men like Justin.
He tries on the male lingerie and makes Irene take photos for Carly which is most definitely not in Irene's job description. But is this... is this meant to be Justin's sixy tixt? Because it completely disregards Carly's sixy tixt which is confusing, and is also just a photo of him looking... stupid.
Carly gets mad because Justin looks gross and this is quite frankly all Trish's fault.
Sarah and Telv arrive at their counselling session and while it's never outwardly acknowledged, John Aiken clearly has a cold. His voice is very nasally and his energy is low, and ultimately he just tells them they're so mad at each other because they're in love which doesn't feel like the reason at all. But he just needs to go home and... rest.
Meanwhile, the other contestants are being made to spend time with their fake partner's friends/family, and honestly the last thing this show needs is another component.
Troy is having tea with Ashley's mum and we're pretty sure he's not legally allowed within 50 metres of her but okay.
"Sorry I'm late," he says as he arrives, and WHY ARE YOU LATE WHERE ELSE DO YOU HAVE TO BE WHAT ARE YOU EVER DOING.
Within moments he says, "If you don't mind me saying, you do keep a very nice figure, Stephanie, you're in great shape," and... everyone minds you saying.
She hates every minute of this hellish encounter, but Troy is far too present and continue to say things he shouldn't.
In a park somewhere, Tracey is speaking to Dean's best friend Michelle about how he has treated GEWLS in the past.
It's been four weeks now Tracey, pls, can we call them women.
Michelle admits she is not at all surprised Dean did a bit of a textin' scandal with Davina and then they both decide to blame Dean's mum's passing for his horrible behaviour towards women.
STOP PLS IT'S BOIZ NIGHT AND GEWLS NIGHT SHHHH.
The gewls are at some club in the city, and Carly announces that after Justin sent her a picture of himself in mesh, she asked him to move out.
Good one with the sixy tixts Trish... FFS.
Over at the boiz night, at some WATERFRONT MANSION, Justin is busy telling everyone that he asked Carly to move out, which we feel like isn't what happened.
But no one is listening to Justin because Dean is yelling, "Have I really been thinking about what I want?" and um, yes. For... always.
He is also reflecting on Sarah and Telv's relationship which he always thought was a "little bit weird," unlike The Perfect Storm over here who decides to rap in front of people at a dinner party without even asking.
Dean then moves the conversation into familiar territory - wife swapping - and this is not at all a conversation that will end well.
Patrick knows he is in the presence of evil and starts rocking back and forth, making notes so he can bitch to Charlene later.
Anywho, Dean decides to answer his own question because that's the kind of guy he is, and says he's sort of into Carly who he gets "vibes from".
Justin would like Ash, pls, and Nasser remains silent to absorb as much gossip as possible.
But then Dean starts feeling insecure because no one wants his wife and says, "What about Tracey guys?? She's hot! Who wants to bang Tracey?" and... Tracey isn't for sale, Dean.
But a producer has whispered in Dean's ear, "Ask if anyone's wife has a hot mum," and Dean obeys because they're promising to launch his rap career.
There is silence for approximately seven seconds before Troy just replies, "... Ye."
"She's a natural red head but she has these great highlights..." and is Troy actually broken?
Patrick then starts shouting that if anyone talked about his mum like that he'd "kick the shit out of them" and no need to worry Patrick because everyone is terrified of Ruby.
All tha boiz get awkward at the end because they're fairly sure they've been set up by producers to say things they shouldn't, but Troy can't quite piece together what's happened so just looks perpetually confused and says to no one in particular, "I don't respect that".
They decide to wrap it up and cheers their glasses before leaving which is something we've never seen done before.
UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.
You can listen to the full episode of our Married at First Sight recap podcast, right here.