Now that eight single people have taken the dubious “terrifying leap of faith” and fake married each other, they get to go on a free honeymoon.
Now we get to see who’s doing “it”, and what they all look like in swimmers.
We join Clare and Jono on their first morning as a fake married couple. He awakens shouting, which could take some getting used to for Clare.
She is horrified yet unsurprised to discover that Jono has stamped himself with the bogan identifier: the Southern Cross, right in the middle of his back.
In Sydney, Simone and Xavier are making more and more discoveries about tedious things they have in common, such as a love of the missionary position an agreement on who is the big spoon.
They daringly forgo their usual morning green smoothies for bacon and eggs.
They head off on honeymoon to Fiji but they're both asleep when the crew on the plane applaud them for not really making a lifelong commitment to each other.
When they arrive at their hotel, they actually have an in-depth discussion about which side of the rose-petal strewn bed they should choose.
Xavier and Simone also discuss the finer points of bed-making and are overjoyed to find they're in agreement about that, too. They both hate topsheets, and are clearly monsters.
Other things they have in common: they both like flat whites, and sometimes, for dinner, they just want an egg on toast.
Bryce and swear-happy Erin are bonding by making fun of other people. He loves her "dry, sarcastic sense of humour". She does, too.
He gives her a gift that he had intended to give on on their wedding day. "Oh, fuck off," she says, pleased.
They make out furiously in the pool to celebrate. "Fuck me, that was cute," Erin enthuses.
Christie and Mark are probably the least demonstrative coupling on the show. Christie is not attracted to Mark, although she thinks he's a really nice dude.
"It's awkward," points out Dr John Aiken as they sit at a candlelit table in New Caledonia, surrounded by rose petals. What a pro.
They eat in silence and I really feel for Mark. Maybe if they just get drunk it'll loosen things up a bit? They go to bed early but Mark must contend with Christie's pillow fortress of chastity. Mark is calling it "the Great Wall of Christie".
She tells him that she's not comfortable with physical contact until they know each other really well.
Jono and Clare are en route to their honeymoon to the Northern Territory in a 4WD and singing their little hearts out to Journey.
Despite telling the world "she's not what I ordered", Jono concedes that they have chemistry.
"I've never had so much fun with a female like this before," he says. Colour me surprised, Jono! It'll be all that time down the pub with "the boys".
Top Comments
It was so nice to see the real Claire come out in this episode whilst they were kayaking. Anyone that actually knows her in person has been on the receiving end of her "gentle persuasion" at one time or another. In actuality she is a bully, liar and manipulator. There is a very good reason that her "hen's night" was only one other person.
I don't know Claire but I was deeply uncomfortable watching her baiting her "husband" while he was quite obviously struggling with fear and anxiety. He has been cast as the villain of the story, but it takes a hell of a lot of selective attention and spin to make her look like the good guy of this scenario.
Not sure whether she is a bully, but definitely very very dominant personality - I would struggle too.
From someone who is claiming she is suffering from PTSD and anxiety, she is very quick to find a pretty obvious trigger on him and then keep bashing away at it. Then she goes online talking about how his temper triggered her PTSD!!! Apparently you can just breathe through that sort of thing right?