Sometimes we end up with people in our lives in much the same way we end up with tupperware containers. You’re not sure how you picked them up, they smell a bit funny, and they certainly don’t “spark joy” for you in the way they must spark joy for someone else who would appreciate them more.
My latest Netflix binge was on Marie Kondo’s new Netflix series “Tidying up with Marie Kondo”. Created by the author of “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up”, Marie Kondo helps families across America with tidying up their homes and getting unstuck in the process. She suggests that we spend time with each of our possessions, and if they don’t “spark joy” for us, we take a moment to thank that item for being a part of our lives and say goodbye.
I feel like this method helps to shortcut a lot of the complicated feelings we have about clearing items away, so we can make our lives more joyful. Instead of guilt about throwing things by the wayside, we have genuine gratitude for the path that has led us to this moment, while opening ourselves to what the future may bring when we’re not treating our mementos like lodestones.
It got me thinking about some of the other areas of our lives that would benefit from applying the KonMari method.
The one I couldn’t ignore, was people.
The people we surround ourselves with should be examined every so often. Much in the same way we check on the overall health of our romantic relationships or talk to our bosses about how we feel about our working environment, we ought to check in with ourselves to ask some questions to appreciate our friends and identify tiny issues before they grow bigger.
Friendship questions to ask yourself
1. How often are we in touch?
2. Do I normally initiate, do they, or is it even?
3. Am I happy with that?
4. When we speak, is the other person interested in what I have to say and how I feel?
5. Am I interested in what they have to say and how they feel?
6. What do I value in a friendship?
7. Do this person’s values align with my values?
8. When we talk about our hopes and plans, are we encouraging each other to do the best we can, or are we pointing out all the ways the other person is failing?
9. How do I talk about this person to other people?
10. Is the relationship equal?
11. How even is the share of money in our friendship?
12. Do they do way more in the way of favours than I do?
This isn’t about making a report card or itemised invoice. This is about taking a moment to check in and see if anything has changed lately or see if there’s room for improvement. If something in this list has changed over the last few months and you’re not sure why, it’s worth checking in with the other person to see if everything is okay.